Sunday, November 18, 2012

Some things change...Some things stay the same.

Two years? Really? It just took me nearly that much time to clean all the spam comments off this puppy from my hiatus.

So two years ago I left with a giant cliff hanger of gaining 50 pounds and feeling like a total failure. At least one of those things still stands true. I have managed to drop the 50 with the help of Topamax (the supermodel drug) which not only kills the appetite but also makes me dumb as a box of rocks sometimes. Usually I can't remember common words or misuse a word here or there. It would be more worth it if I could drop another 50 pounds but at this point I am going to take what I can get.

Finances still suck. But at least hubs is working and acting more like an adult than child.We appreciate that.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Welcome back fatty. Nothing says failure like gaining 50 pounds.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Well I am updating at a rate of once per month...

So the summer is winding down. The kids are back to school tomorrow. And I start my NEW JOB!!!!!! Well not totally new, but a management job nonetheless. I am in the same department and office but I have basically switch positions with my old supervisor. He is not upset about the switch (or so he says) so I am now da boss and I got a huge pay raise. So yeah big changes. I am freaked out but excited at the same time.

Weight has been nothing but a huge hassle. Up and down the same 20 pounds. But I did accomplish some goals. Firstly I did my first (and second) triathlons. All I can say is that it was awesome. And I did not come in last place. Bottom of the pack but not the very bottom :) I also broke my personal record for the 5k, while wearing my prom dress (yes, the actual prom dress from high school). I wore it over running clothes and it was still too big. So that felt pretty good.

Anyhow yeah. That is the summer in a nutshell. Tomorrow starts school and the busy schedule of dance 5 days a week and football 5 days as well. Time management is going to be key and a huge challenge. I am hoping I can work it out.

Monday, August 30, 2010

So bad at updating

I look at blogger daily and think I should update. But then I don't. It's been a crazy busy summer and I only expect it to get busier during the school year. And I am still not updating now. Maybe later this week I will have the chance to recap my summer. Still keeping my fingers crossed for some good news today.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Sick of it

Must be nice to be unemployed. Apparently that is a free card to sit on your ass all day long. Oh wait, I mean except for the load of laundry and 10 dishes that you did and expect praise for. And I never knew a clean house meant shit all over the floor and laundry just sitting around waiting to be put away. Why bother working all day long when you can just do nothing. Especially when your spouse finds a place for the kids to hang for the day so you can sleep in? I am done. I don't have anything left to fucking give.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

More frustration

My mood is bouncing around an awful lot these days. Maybe it is post vacation blues or just a bunch of anger that has been held in far too long. Or just frustrations with work. At any rate I feel like I am sinking fast here.
Let's start with the hubby. I am doing my best to be all supportive in his job loss but there comes a time when you just have to suck it up and deal with it. I was feeling poor before but now I am just feeling darn near destitute. We are going to lose the house. And I feel helpless about it because it is not in my name and I can't do anything about it. He is the only one who can and I am tired of feeling like I am badgering him on regular basis. I feel like I am prodding a child to go and do something he doesn't want to do. And it feels like all lines of communication are severed. We are not talking very well and I feeling frustrated on a daily basis. How do you talk to someone that does not want to be talked to? Furthermore I come home from work to a messy house every single day. He seems to think that if he does one thing-like take out the trash-he deserves some sort of medal. Or at least for me not to complain. And when I do he always finds some way to throw it back in my face and try to make me feel guilty. But I feel like I should not have to clean the house and cook the dinner when I am the one who is working 50+ hours per week. I am starting to feel like I have 3 children-one teenager and two little ones. Ugh.

Then we have my best friend that has been back from Arizona for the last month and has time for everyone but me. I try to make plans with her when it is a good time for me (like on a weekend or a night I don't have to be up at 4:30am the next day) but she always has something else going on. It might seem selfish on my part but I still have a full time job here. I have two kids that need to be to baseball practice or dance. She has nothing but time. My best friend is spending her entire vacation hanging out with every friend she has at home except for me. And it hurts. I makes me feel like she doesn't care.

Of course there is always work. Our main computer for the stocking system we use has crashed and is not going to be fixed. I have found a way around it but it involves a whole lot more manual work on my part. I don't mind doing the work but I have a lot of other projects I am working on. I'm stressing and I don't like it.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Vacation all I really want is...

Two more days of work. Thank goodness. As much as I love my job, I am ready for a break. Things have been kind of intense lately. I am feeling some pressure to get things done and I am not quite sure if those things are possible. But I am going to do what I can to get it all done. Deadlines....well maybe not so much. But the work will get finished. I could go into the details but really, it is boring unless you get all geeked out by inventory and cost savings.

So onto my health issues. Or lack thereof. My labs are normal, which has not been confirmed by the MD but being in the hospital system it is not too difficult to get a hold of your labs. So no mono, and my blood work is pretty good. But I am still feeling tired. The doc is probably going to want to test me for sleep apnea. It does run in my family and my family, thought not super skinny, are basically all on CPAP machines. So we will see what happens when he finally gets back to me.

My eating has been nothing but a hot mess. I know I am screwing it up but I don't stop. I procrastinate. I say I will start Monday. Then Monday comes and goes and I plan for the next week. I need to get up and get active. And get out of the house. I am slowly doing it. I can only use the excuse of mourning the loss of my racing plans for the summer for so long. It's time to get up and at em. And stop making excuses. Maybe on Monday :)

This weekend we are going camping. We spent a bit more money than we should have on a new gigantic tent. At least it will be big enough to live in if we are foreclosed on. That is looking like more of a possibility every day. Sad how we spent the last 5 years struggling for this to not happen, only to reach the near end of the chapter 13 and lose the house anyhow. But whatever happens, happens. I can only control so much, and this is one of those things that is out of my hands.