Monday, December 31, 2007

I know I should throw them away...

You know that whole half a bag of M&Ms that is still in the fridge. It is calling my name again. I just can't bring myself to throw it away, yet is stares at me, and talks to me every time I open the fridge. I just want some damn sugar. This is like the hardest thing ever. I have made some really yummy meals the last few days but I feel like I am starving because I have not had anything sweet. I have also not had any meat. Yeah did I mention that I am trying to go veggie? Not crazy vegan or anything. I just don't think I could handle that, but the ovo-lacto sort. Ya know the dairy and egg people. I did kind of crave some burger this afternoon but other than that it is pretty fucking peachy keen since I am so preoccupied with sugar. I really hope this gets better like it is supposed to because right now my non sugar future is looking pretty damn bleak.

But I guess at least times like now I can come on here and waste some time writing instead of shoving chocolate in my face. I felt pretty good most of the morning aside from the headache I have had for 3 days now. I actually got up at 3:30 when my alarm went off and felt much better than I usually do. I hope that is a side effect of no sugar so at least something good is coming out of this.

SO it is New Year's Eve. Whoop de friggin woo. I am staying home with the kids and we are gonna hang out and watch some movies and eat some air popped popcorn. Maybe I am growing up a bit or something but I just don't really care about going out and getting wasted anymore. All my friends are doing it, I miss my friends, but it is not really my scene any longer. Hanging out with the kiddies and banging some pots and pans outside at midnight just sounds so much more appealing to me. Anyhow I hope everyone has a wonderful and Happy New Year!

My head is killing me

Why oh why have I decided to do this? I feel like crap. My head is pounding, my hands are shaking. Ugh I feel like total poop.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

10 hours in....

My head is pounding. I feel like I have been stuffing my face. I guess I kind of have but not with sugar. Here is today's meal list..

egg white omelet with green peppers and a little bit of mozza cheese
smoothie made of pineapple, egg whites, coconut extract
2 oz roasted almonds
string cheese
grilled avocado sandwich (actually not too bad)
a bit of this tofu-ranch dip I made (again surprisingly good)

So I bought some stuff to make my own salsa so that should be an adventure. The last time I tried cutting up chilies I got it up my nose and burned my arm. I never said I was a good cook. I am going to make a real effort here to not eat the sugar so I guess making my own condiments is going to be part of that. I must say though the ranch dip I made (tofu, ranch dressing packet, lemon juice) is really not that bad. I definitely does not taste like regular dip but it is edible.

Anyhow that is all for now. I am trying to divert myself from the cereal I just poured for my son. First I have to get myself off the crack and then I can work on removing it from everyone else's diet.

My name is Stacy and I am an addict.....

Yes it is about high time I make my addiction public. It's not booze. It's not smoking. It's not drugs. I am utterly and unbelievably addicted to sugar. Yep, the other white powder. It is high time I get real honest with myself about the situation. I know I have mentioned before how I am addicted to the stuff but now it is getting bad. Really bad. Out of control bad. I can start out my day real good with a nice healthy meal and by lunch I am just needing the stuff. I will tell myself all morning that I will not have any sugar for the day and I'll be damned if I am not sticking my porky hand in the cookie jar by 10 am. I really never thought it could possibly be that hard for someone to just stop stop drinking, or just stop smoking. I can easily do both of those thing. I can have a ciggarette because I am stressed or whatever and not have the urge to pick another one up. Hell when I am stressed I usually don't even have the urge. I am just bored and the social people are out smoking.

I have to get this under control. It is 10:22am and I am already getting light headed and dizzy. WTF This is ridiculous. Did you know that damn near every fucking condiment in my house has sugar in it? Ranch dressing, sugar. BBQ sauce, sugar. Ketchup, sugar. What the fuck am I supposed to put on my food? Is it possible to eat food without toppings? How the hell do you eat a salad with no dressing? And sweeteners are not really supposed to be helpful even looking past the cancer shit. I feel like my life is over. I am so not kidding. If I do this, I can't have any sugar anymore. Even a little bit send me off into this downward spiral. I ate like a whole fucking huge bag of M&Ms yesterday. Who does that? Who eats an industrial sized bag of candy? I was sick to my stomach and still popping those babies in mouth.

Okay I gotta be positive about this. I need 5 days. The professionals say that it takes 5 days to detox from this crack. I am on day 1. The first third of day 1. I can do this right? 4 days of hell and I feel great on day 5. I can make it 5 days right? Even though I can't make it 5 hours? I have been awake for 3.5 hours. Does that make me 3.5 hours sober? My head is starting to pound.

Fuck me, I am screwed.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Poop on Potlucks

I have had enough pot lucking for a year. I am already sick of the Christmas food and cookies and cake and crap. Ugh. I love Christmas but I just want this eating frenzy to stop. I am back on the Optifast for a few days to just let my poor tummy rest. I am thinking maybe it will be easier to stick to than it was preop since the tummy is much smaller now and I don't really feel hunger. Hell I have eaten enough in the last week to not feel hunger for a decade. Plus the Optifast does not taste as bad as I remember.

So I have the day off to go to court and fight my ticket today. I am NOT looking forward to having to shell out an ass load of money for this stupid ticket, but if I can get away with not having the points on my license then I will take that. Anyhow wish me luck.....

Saturday, December 15, 2007

I am trying here.......

To make an effort to blog a little bit more and yap my mouth a little bit less. I just ate some really buttery popcorn and I am not really sure how I feel about that. I had an awesome workout today, more about that later. But I just don't quite get why i still am fighting these food demons. Why am I still sabotaging myself? I just have no fucking clue how to start fixing that.

Anyhow onto "life" news.... I did manage to snag 4 Hannah Montana tickets before they sold out today. The girl is going to shit her pants when she finds out she is going. The seats are not the greatest, kinda behind the stage but who really cares? I am ever so thankful I was able to even get the tickets. My baby is going to have a fabulous birthday. We will be going with my BF Jenn (who also had surgery) and her daughter. The hard part is going to be keeping it a secret until then. Very, very hard. I am way excited though. We are going to take the girls to Libby Lu and let then get their hair and stuff done. It should be a super fun day.

As for my workout, I did 7 miles running today. It took me just a bit under 1:40 which is a little bit faster than 4mph. Not raging fast but definitely good for a girl who used to weigh 82 pounds more just a little over 10 months ago. I also felt like I could have ran longer. I got faster as I finished, which was also a good thing. And I recovered pretty well afterward. I am definitely getting fitter. The speed will eventually come. Anyhow that was my day. Tomorrow is cross training so we will have to decided then what we are gonna do.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Wow it has been awhile....

I am one helluva shitty blogger. It has only been about 6 months since my last visit. Let's see if I can do the quick review catch up on my life list....

1.In July I got to go camping with the family.
2.On said camping trip I got pissed at DH and body slammed my bike on the ground in a move that would make Hulk Hogan proud. Cost=$90 in damages.
3. In August I got to take a while week off of work and vacation with my family up north. I got to do lots of riding
4. In September I met up with some sweet ass bikers from LBT to do my first 40+ mile ride.
5. On said bike trip my bike fell off of my carrier into the middle of the expressway thus ending my biking season. Cost of damage still TBD.
6. In October I tried to finally break the 200 mark. Not so successful. But I did run a 5K in 42:42
7. In November I finally did break the 200 pound mark. Thanksgiving came and I did not barf. Life was good.
8. Bring us to December.......

I am down to 195. Losing slower than I would like but I am certainly not denying myself treats so I really can't complain. I have started running on a regular basis which for me is 4 times per week. I do three miles per day during the week and have a long weekend run, which is currently at 6 miles. It's not a ton but it is doing something. I did not think I was improving much with my running since I am hella slow and want to die when I am done, but I realized yesterday that my recovery time after running is hella quick so it must be doing something for me. But definitely sometimes while I am breathing during a run I feel like my lungs must be looking like a 90 year old smokers lungs. I can confidently say that even though I never really smoked much before, I do nto wanna pick up another one, even if I am drinking. Work has been....well work. I am done discussing that subject now lol.

Friday, July 13, 2007

We don't have any apple cider.....

So anyhow not much to report. I am down two more pounds this week which is nothing short of a miracle with Aunt Flo visiting and all. Eating has not been too bad though I have treated myself a little bit. I have done about 55 miles on the bike this week which is not too bad either. SO my weigh in is at 218 which officially puts me in the teens. I am 19 pounds away from this place we fat chicks like to call onederland. I am going to be having myself a 199 party pretty damn soon.

So Terry the Bariatric coordinator at Oakwood has asked me if I can work a few hours in the office on Mondays. I am delighted about the whole thing. I am so tired of the bitches in my department and it will be a breath of fresh air to get the hell out of there for a bit. Maybe I will get lucky and get to be a full time person down there. Oh dreams.

We went to the Taylor fireworks tonight which were nothing short of spectacular. My city knows how to put on a damn good show. They were way better than the downtown ones fo sho. I indulged in an elephant ear and some cotton candy but not in the magnitude I would have pre surgery. The kids ate most of it. When Dan and I were at the elephant ear stand and I had already ordered and paid, Dan saw the apple pie filling you could get put on top. I asked him if he wanted any apples on the side and the lady in the stand yelled out "we don't have any apple cider" Bitch, what the fuck would I do with apple cider in the middle of a carnival? This isn't autumn and I am not picking out a pumpkin. Do they even make apple cider between the months of November and August? Needless to say we were apple free for the evening.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

So here is a story of my wonderful yesterday.

Let me set the scene up for you....
Yesterday morning I decided to play Tour de Oakwood (pretty much I was trying to ride to work as quickly as possible.) About 2 miles from my house a bee flies into my face and gets into my hair. I am freaking out trying to swat it out because I am deathly afraid of them. I start to swerve right where there is a bunch of landscaping going on and as hard as I try I can't keep myself from falling into the 12 inch deep 6 inch wide ditch that is on the side of the sidewalk. I sort of dove headfirst over the handlebars and landed on this huge piece of plywood and sort of slide along it. Due to the dusty piece of wood I don't have a mark on me but I am covered in dirt. My bike was not so lucky. Chunks of mud everywhere, handlebars turned sideways, cracked pedal, chain popped off. Off course there are several people to witness this and my pride was wounded lol. I was shaking for about 5 minutes and once I calmed down I get ready to hop back on and go. I fix the chain and straighten the handlebars and try to get back on. The wheel is bent to shit and I can't ride it. So I walk the bike two miles home and drive to work.

Lessons I have learned.
1. If I had just been riding in the street I would have just hit the curb and fallen on the grass.
2. Wear a helmet. The main reason I was on the sidewalk was because I don't have a helmet. Funny thing is that probably 10 seconds before the accident I was thinking "Dang I really need to get a helmet". I am pretty lucky all that happened to my head was a little bit of dirt.

Of course later on I ended up with quite a few bruises. I did get my bike fixed and get back out this morning for a 20 mile ride. I also bought a helmet. I thought I was going to feel like an asshole riding with one but honestly I did not even notice it. I felt like a real biker lol.

So at my Friday weigh in I lost 4 pounds. Must have caught up from last weeks 0 pound loss. I am now at 220. I really want to be down below 200 by Labor Day but 20 pounds in just under 2 months is pushing it slightly. I don't want to do this unhealthily. I want it to stay off, not just drop away for a little while. My eating was pretty good this weekend. I went to a wedding (BBQ style) and only had a burger, a little potato salad, few bites of salad and a small piece of cake. Of course it took me about an hour to eat all that lol. Then I had some popcorn at the movies but not any kind of grossly large portion size or anything. This morning I have only had some cottage cheese and I have not been really hungry (though I am getting there now).

Yeah that is pretty much all there is to report.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

It ain't easy being cheesy....

Today just fucking blows.

I was pretty pissed off that I came home to an empty house because everyone went to the movies without me. Not that I wanted to see transformers but because they did not even bother to ask me if I would like to join them. And to top it all off I ate like a pig. Well a banded pig. Probably 4 oz of grilled chicken smothered in BBQ sauce and like 1/4c of parmesan noodles. Plus two slices of toast. I feel like shit right now. I wish I had thought about it before I ate so damn much. If I don't stop pigging out I am going to end up back on the fucking table with a dilated pouch and I will never lose any more fucking weight. I feel like singing that stupid manatee song from veggie tales...Stacy are get-ting so big...getting so big....if you don't stop eating...stop will always be big...always be big. Yeah I just made up those lyrics lol. And by the way for those of you who don't know a manatee is nautical slang for sea cow. I did not get my walk in at work because I was way to busy cleaning up after other peoples messes that effect my work. I am not usually so damned negative and I don't even know what is coming over me here. Maybe I am tired from going in to work at 4am. Maybe I am pissed that since I have to work at 5am for the rest of the summer so I can't very well ride my bike in there. Maybe I am so tired of working 46 hours a week to come home to a trashed house that I have to clean up just so it can be messed up the next day. Maybe because I am going to have to mow the lawn so it actually gets done.

Wow I kind of feel a little bit better.

Despite my uber bitchiness today I did get a workout in. 1 hour on the treadmill. I ran 20 minutes of it at 4.0mph. I also avoided the chocolate like the plague. That my friends is a milestone for me. I have been getting hooked on the ice cream lately and now I am craving bad shit. Peeps do not give in to the ice cream. It will just lead to bad things and make getting off it worse for the wear. I think it is easier to quit smoking than to quit eating crap food. And easier to give up the bottle too.

Someone please invent a calorie free alcoholic beverage so I can drown out my sorrows healthily.

Oh yeah and I did not lose any weight last week hence the reason for my pity me pig out party.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

No Office= No Posts

Damn I am really missing the privacy of having an office at work. I don't have too much free time to myself at home but at work...yeah I am pretty much bored most of the day. And now with no office I can't post. I suppose I could but my boss might get mighty annoyed if he saw me on blogger while I am supposed to be working. My job is just too easy.

So anyhow last Friday I weighed in at 224. The Friday before that was 226. So two pounds last week and one pound the week before that. It is a slow go. I would like to say that I am happy with a two pound loss but I must admit, I wish it was a little bit faster. But my eating is getting a bit more under control. I am starting to stop eating before I get full. Not every time but a lot of the time. I am also taking these thermogenic pills called Lipo6x. They have certainly killed what little appetite I have so I really have been eating much much less. Actually eating kind of makes me a little sick to my stomach if I eat when I am not hungry now. That part is kind of nice.

I keep discovering all these bones I never knew existed on my body. I can't stop feeling myself up lol. I must put my hands on my hips like 7586 times a day just to feel my hip bones. I think I am going to have to have my wedding ring resized soon. It is getting really loose on my finger. Oh and i bought myself a pair of size 16 Levis. That definitely felt pretty good.

I have been riding my bike to work a bit more often now. I am shooting for 3 days a week. The ride is pretty easy for me now and I really am enjoying the time I get to spend with myself. It is pretty peaceful.

Well I will try to update a bit more often so as not to disappoint my readers (reader?) lol. Just have to find the time.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Cool Rider

Well I managed the big bike ride. You know the 11 miles to work one? Yep I did it. And I made it home. Minus a pedal...sorta. Anyhow the ride to work is pretty much completely uphill. I never realized it until I came home and just kinda rolled a lot of the way. I hated having to do that but my fucking pedal fell off my bike. I had to stop, find the nut, twist it back on with my fingers and then stop every 3 damn minutes to tighten the things again. Not a pretty sight. But I did it and that is what is important. And I broke a nail which pissed me off.

Yeah I have got nothing today. I am just tired out and need some sleep.

Friday, June 8, 2007

PITAS Anyone?

So why is it that some people in this world are so miserable human beings that they find it necessary to spew their anger on everyone else? The PITA lady I work with is one of those people. She is just the most unhappy individual I have ever encountered and she is not happy unless she is making someone else unhappy. She is all in a huff because she had to call her order in and the lady who took it does not take care of having items overnighted. So she had to wait 4 whole long minutes to call the person who does take care of that when he came in at 8:00. Seriously? 4 minutes. Come on now. Is it that big of a deal that you are muttering things under your breath and telling every single person who walks in this office about it? Big fricken deal. Call the guy and leave a message. Shoot him an email. That's what i do and my stuff gets taken care of. And she has the audacity to say this lady who won't take care of her order is rude. lol. PITA is also supposedly a big time Christian. You sure wouldn't know it by the way she acts. She tries to put up this front by having 400 Jesus pictures in her cubicle but she acts like Satan to every one around her. She is so envious of what everyone else has. She is never just thankful for what she does have. Example- She was upset because she did not have an office. There is a community computer out in the office suite but that was just not good enough. So she bitched and moaned about it over and over until finally they built her a cubicle with some "privacy", which btw was not up to par because there was no locking cabinet in it. She complained until she got the cabinet. So fast forward to 4 months later. I needed a new printer for the job that I was doing. I asked my boss if I could have a new one and about 10 minutes later she handed me the keys to the vacant office we have. So I got an office until the position that was in that office was filled (which we all knew was never going to get filled). Then all of a sudden her cubicle that she just had to have was now deemed "this dumb cubicle". Stacy gets this big office and all I get is this dumb cubicle....I believe that was a direct quote. This lady needs to get over herself.

Anyhow so guess who is getting a new pair of shoes???? I weighed in a 227 this morning. That would be a three pound loss this week!!! So it is time to party. We are having a pot luck today for my co-workers birthday and I think it is okay for me to chow down a bit. Not a lot but a bit. But the shoes could not come at a better time. I have my first 20 minutes run today and I could certainly use the support.

Eating has been going okay. I still get frustrated at some things but it is becoming less of a big deal to me (at least this week!) I definitely have issues with doughy bread but I can eat the crust. So I give my daughter the middle of the garlic bread and I eat the crust. I also bought these new protein bars. Some are Special K and the others are Slim fast. The special K ones are so yummy but have less protein than the Slim Fast (10g for the Special K and 15g for the Slim Fast) but the Slim fast ones are pretty decent too. I might have to start adding them in as meals.

So I am supposed to be riding my bike to work next week. I am not sure if I am going to do it or if i am going to chicken out. Maybe I will just bite the bullet and do it, and if I don't make it in here then I guess i won' have to work that day.

Anyways I am out, I have to go take care of some shit at the always wonderful Secretary of State.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Tub of lard

I feel like a fricken tub of lard right now. I ate this damn egg muffin thing that I created in the cafeteria this morning. I really did not think it had the almost 500 calories it had in it. I need to start logging my food before I eat it or at least checking the calorie content in them so I don't feel like such a lard ass later on in the day. Protein shake city here I come. At least for the rest of the day. Good thing there really is no other food in my house besides protein shakes. And Chef Boyardee, but that is for the kids.

I barely got my workout in yesterday. It was supposed to rain so I did not get on the bike in the am. Guess what? It did not rain until later. Grrrrrr. So mad I did not just do it early. So I went to my Mom's and got the kids and took the girl to a birthday party for one of her friends. I am not a very big fan of parties for the kids. Mostly because I usually have no one to talk to there. I feel really left out because I am so much younger than the other Moms. Most of them have 8-10 years on me and I just feel, I don't know, different I guess. The life of being knock up at 19 I guess. But she had fun and so did my son so and that is what is most important. Later on in the day I finally got my exercise in. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and I was about to pull all my hair out, I was just that bored. Then there was a break in the rain storms so I took the bike out for another 30 minutes. It was pretty fun riding through puddles and mud. I was a little bit messy when I got home. I did about 4.7 miles in 30 minutes, not too shabby for me.

So I did have a bit of a NSV (non scale victory) yesterday. I managed to corral my lower body into a pair of size 17 jeans. Yeah baby I fit in something from the juniors department. It was very tight and not so pretty but dammit those jeans were zipped up. I found a super cute shirt too that I am about 30 pounds away from. I did not buy either of them though I am tempted to go back and get them. I have made it a point to not buy clothes that do not fit me yet but I really want to have this shirt around when I hit 200. I dunno maybe I will make the decision later lol.

My Monday has been incredible thus far. My PITA coworker that hates me has had a rough morning. I really should not be thrilled over someone else's pain and annoyance but this lady is so terrible to me that I don't really care what kind of a person it makes me to be laughing over her. Her, another coworker, and I all rotate position each month. This is a new thing brought on by her constant whining about how she is better than me. To level the playing field my boss said she would have to start doing my job for awhile. This is not what she wanted at all as she thinks she is way more important than me (sounding junior highish yet?) So anyhow PITA was doing my job all last month. Well today PITA was starting the other woman's job. Now the job of this other lady is what PITA considers to be the most important job of all so she feels pretty darn special doing it. Special ed maybe. She really has no idea what she is doing. And to top it all off the other lady is not here today. SO not only did she have to do her stuff but she had to do all the other stuff too. She was bitching up a monstrous storm when I was not here at 5am. Why? Because she did not know what she was doing. She is under this impression that I know way more than her and I had all this fabulous training. Um, no. I was the one who got trained in 2 days time by co-workers while the rest of them had weeks of training with the computer person. Seems to be I got the short end of the stick but I am not going to sit around and cry about it. So yeah i got a little bit of pleasure out of her pain. I'm not going to lie. It felt kinda good. And i got to sleep in. Which was fabulous.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta...

Except that I have never actually been a gangsta. Sorry I was looking at my red swingline stapler on my desk and thinking of Office Space. The funny thing is that there is a security guard at work that looks just like Milton. Every time I see him i just want to have him say "I believe you have my stapler". Then I want to take a photo of him with said red stapler. If you have not seen Office Space I highly recommend it. Good times, great movie. Well I went walking another 4 miles this morning. I figured i could get that done and then later if i want to work out I can but if I don't want to it will not be a big deal because I have already gotten my workout in. I am damn sweaty too. But my armpits are dry. Secret Platinum Plus. That shit is definitely strong enough for a man. My back looks like someone threw a pail of water on me. And my legs are wet too. But not because I was sweating. The legs would be wet because as I was walking in from my walk the damn sprinklers turned on and sprayed me. Normally I might be pissed but it felt pretty damn good and I got a good chuckle out of it. If I did not have to work a few more hours I might have done a little dance in it.

Well I managed to .....pretty much forget whatever I was just about to say since I was talking to my boss. Oh now I remember. I managed to stick to my diet plan yesterday. I don't try to place too much emphasis on what I am eating since I have been working out so hard but I really want to kick it up a notch here this month. I have been logging my food at which is awesome. I shoot for around 1000 calories which is plenty to fill me up and at least 85 grams of protein. That is the difficult part. But I do have a pretty tasty protein shake I drink called Matrix 5.0. Yesterday I made it with some milk, ice, and a tablespoon of peanut butter. Damn was it really really good. Kind of like having a great treat at the end of the day. I might have to use that as a nightly reward for a job well done each day.

I am going to the German Festival with my family tonight. It is something we have done every year since I was very young. Pretty much just an excuse to get together with family and drink and eat. I definitely don't want any beer tonight for a change. I have been working so damn hard that beer is just not worth the calories for me. Now the food is going to be another story. I love me some good brats and potato pancakes. I just have to remember that eating that stuff is not worth the workout I would have to do to burn it off. Once I get to goal maybe I can add that stuff in there. I could always just watch the drunks. That is always a fun thing to do there lol. Every year growing up I always got a new pair of Nikes in June because my dad would get drunk and promise to buy them for me. I was a sneaky little thing knowing that it is always good to request things when one of your parents is wasted.

Friday, June 1, 2007

June 1st

Okay before I forget to log it I am down 2 more pounds. Holding strong at 230. Hopefully I can lose 2 more this week and not only get into the 220's but get to my damn 50 pounds and get me some new shoes. I am salivating here over new shoes. They are dangling in front of me like a carrot on a string.

I still feel crappy today. UGH. Headache is sorta gone but my nausea...yuck. I don't even want to think about food but I know I need to eat something or I am going to get sicker.

Okay fast forward from 5:30am to 3pm. Dammit it should not take 2 hours to eat beef stew!!! Sometimes this surgery bites me in the ass because of the whole slow eating good chewing thing. I have this cup of beef stew (yes exactly a cup since I measured it). I am about 10 minutes and three bites in. I am chewing this shit to mush and it is still a little tight going down. This band is like a fricken virgin on prom night sometimes. Maybe I should just call it a day and drink the gravy. Story of my life now...I finally cook something that tastes good and I just can't seem to eat it. At least the carrots go down good. Better than potatoes. I swear I do not understand why I can't seem to eat potatoes. Even mashed potatoes hurt my chest. I ma thinking it is highly possible that I just take too large of a bite of mashed potatoes. But dammit how can you not take a huge mouthful of that warm gooey goodness. Wow that was borderline perverted lol.

Well I did my workout today. Day one of 30 down and out. I walked the 4 mile walk at work today and did my running when I got home. I am officially done with week 4 of the couch to 5K. And I am sweating like a little piggy. But damn it feels good to be done. And I don't have to run until Monday. I definitely need a running break.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

16 weeks 2 days

Garritygal....Seriously? Bananas and sour cream? I have eaten cucumbers and sour cream but never bananas.

Yeah I have this one co-worker that is a total biotch. She is like 50 something and acts like she is some 13 year old emo kid with a major bitch gene. The world is so terrible, everyone hates me woe is me. She despises me and will spend a whole day following me around trying to find something negative to say to my boss about the job I have done. Except any attempt on her part to get me in trouble goes in my bosses ear and out the other. My boss loves me. I can't help it if I am younger, smarter, and cuter. So this lady just talks major shit about me to my co-workers. There are only a few people in my department and the one normal one work afternoons so basically I am screwed. SO I just sit in my office and surf the net lol. Maybe I will start working on that book though....definitely a good idea hee.

I have the worst friggin headache today. I don't know if it is sinuses and a bit of allergies or what but I am ready to shrivel up in a ball and pass the eff out. It started during my 3 mile lunch walk. As did the queasy stomach. Not liking that too much though it is definitly deterring me from eating. Anyhow I had to go home and DD had softball so I had to go to that. I offered her a dollar to slide into home when she got walked in from third. It was well spent cash. Hilarious. She is getting to be the little softball diva. She has her pink batting helmet and has decided that rolling up her sleeves to tan is a good idea lol.

Well I have worked out 29 days this month. Some days more than once. Now that it is the end of the month I am kinda of pissed about the two days that I missed. I did hit my goal of 20 days with 30 minutes of exercise. But I am issuing a new challenge to myself next month. I want to workout every day for at least 60 minutes. Whether it be 60 straight minutes or broken up into 30 minute sessions and dammit I am going to do it. I have one more week to get my bike mileage up to 12 miles at a time. I am totally going to ride my bike to work. Plus that will take care of my 60 minutes of cardio lol.

I weigh in tomorrow. I am freaked out. I have to stop being so hard on myself. This surgery is not a bypass. It does not work like that. It is slow and I have to do the work myself. I have worked my ass off this week and really want it to show in the numbers. I am almost out of the 230's. 2 more pounds and I am out. I would really like to see that tomorrow. Honestly I would love 4 pounds because that mean NEW SHOES!!!!! Oh and it means I have officially hit 50 pounds lost. But I don't want to expect too much. I just have to make sure I take off my shoes and empty my pockets when I get on the scale. At any rate I will check in tomorrow with my weigh in. I am out. I gotta get some sleep!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

16 weeks 1 day

SO I did the second day of running for this week. Running after eating is a very very very bad idea. I seriously almost barfed everywhere. I took my 3 miles walk at work alone since my walking buddy was not there. It was fucking hot as hell out there today. 87 and muggy as hell. I was dripping with sweat when I arrived back at work. I also started my "coaching" job today lol. I must have looked like the sweatiest pig ever but I don't even care. It was fun. I am starting to be addicted to exercise. Better that then food that's for sure.

So I have been battling the scale demons all week. I want to weigh myself so badly. I promised I wouldn't but damn it is killing me inside. I can't stand this waiting a week crap. I know it is better for me to only weigh in weekly, I know it is. But I am a slave to the scale. You know I can't even have a scale at home because I would be on it every other hour. I only have the one at work. I need 4 more pound to truly hit 50. I really hope I make it this week. Hell after the plateau I had I really hope I just lose anything. Well at least I have my running.

I think the fill I got was a bit much. I am having a little bit of trouble eating some things. Actually quite a few things. But It is keeping me from eating so I don't want to fix it. I figure as long as I am getting food down I can deal with a little bit of chest pressure and saliva right? Anyhow I need to get my butt in bed. I am tired and Korrine has a game tomorrow so I don't think I will be getting a nap in after work.

Monday, May 28, 2007

15 weeks 6 days

I cannot figure out why in the hell I have been so fricken depressed. Am I too tired or something? Seriously. I just want to sit on my ass and do nothing. I have been going all weekend. I rode for about 7 miles yesterday which is a pretty darn big deal, just to follow it up today with another 5 mile ride and my running. The endorphins should be flowing like mad. I should not feel like I want to just jump in front of a damn truck. Maybe I am just really tired. I have had a pretty decent day, there is just no logical reason for me to feel like poo right now. Ugh and now I have a headache. Is it wrong to take vicodin for a headache? If I called it a migraine would it be more acceptable?

SO my friends had this BBQ thing for Memorial Day. Just another excuse to get drunk. Am I the only person in my group of friends who is so completely over that? Don't get me wrong I like to have myself a good time and get a little toasty on occasion but it just seems like any night of the week there is a good excuse to be found to get hammered. I just don't get it. I know I have kids and maybe I would think that was the difference but I see other people in this group who have kids and are out all the time. It just does not seem appropriate I guess. Or maybe I am just bitchy and that is why I have issues with it. I mean really who am I to talk about what anyone else does. I don't really care, I just need something to bitch about.

I have been working my ass off lately. Working out and crap. Hell I do at least an hour of cardio each day if not more. I walk 3 miles a day at work on my lunch break, I run three times a week (yeah I will definitely have to mention that one later), I ride my bike, my ass hurts in places I did not even know existed from the damn bike seat. I seem to expect this weight to just fall off and it is not. It is just slowly creeping off. Hell I think I can put on 5 pounds on one day but it takes me 5 weeks just to lose that. I need to stop being so damn hard on myself and start being more patient. Anyhow the running thing. So I am now on week 4 of the couch to 5K.
Week 4 consists of:
a 5 minute warm up walk
Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Yeah I actually did all this believe it or not. Me and my 3.7mph lol. I don't even care how slow I went the fact that i did it was amazing enough for me. I ran for 5 minutes straight! TWO TIMES! I almost shat myself when it was over I could not believe I did it. I think I am going to take it up just a little bit more either 3.8 or 3.9 the next time I run it (Wednesday). I do not want to over do it. One thing I can say is that if anyone says that surgery is the easy way out I am going to blacking their effing eye. The only thing that surgery keeps in check is the amount of some foods I eat. Yeah some. I can still eat crackers and ice cream until the cows come home. I still have to use a huge amount of willpower to actually eat the right things and to work out. I am working my ass off here and I deserve every little bit of success that comes along with it.

I think I have figured out the root of my problems. Work. I do not want to go to work. I hate the people I work with. Most of them. They are terrible and talk shit about me all the time. It is miserable for me to be there. That must be why I am torturing myself right now and not just going to sleep. Sleep means work comes faster. Ugh. I need to get the hell out of that environment. Okay I think my little bitch fest is over. Night night time.

Friday, May 25, 2007

15 weeks 3 days

Okay I have finally gotten past that damned plateau. I am down 3 more pounds since Monday to 232. 4 more pounds means I will have lost 50 pounds. I can't even believe it.

So I guess that Friday is now my official weigh in day. I guess that would be better as I am usually worse on the weekends so now I will have the whole week to work it off before weighing. I went running at the track last night. Let me tell you I did make it the whole way around for 400 meters of actual running but I damn near died doing it. At any rate I did do six laps a total of three walking and three running. Along with my 3 mile walk at lunch I guess it was not too shabby. I have to get out early for my walk today since it is supposed to rain and walking outside is way more interesting than walking on the treadmill. My arm is killing me from pitching practice and I am so dang tired. I wonder if I took a nap in my office if anyone would notice? Man I really am about to fall asleep here. I am almost welcoming this rain that is coming because at least it will get me a nap. I really will have an excuse not to be outside. I mean I am enjoying my new more active lifestyle I have taken on lately, but with this 5 am start time I just need to get my butt in bed a little bit earlier.

I am totally ready for this two day weekend I have coming up. Yeah I meant to say two days. I work six days a week so anytime I have more than 1 day off in a row it is time to throw a fricken party. I need a break from that place.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

So I didn't die...

from the running I did the other night. Actually I think I could have gone farther. Pretty impressive for 235 pounds. I cannot wait until I can actually run long distances. This exercise thing is really starting to leach on the me. I am getting a bit obsessive about it, which is fine by me because I am actually enjoying it. I love taking my 3 mile trek during lunch at work. I am loving being outside. I can't wait until I build up enough endurance to ride my bike the 12 miles to work and the 12 miles home (not only because I want to but this $3.59 per gallon is killing my budget right now). I played softball with both of my kids last night for about an hour which was probably one of the funnest things I have done in a long time. I know I am their Mom and maybe a little biased but I really do have the most incredible kids on the planet. I don't think there is anything that my daughter can't do. She amazes me everyday with how good she is at everything. She loves school and is an awesome student. I mean the kid is in Kindergarten and she is reading 2-3 grade short novels. She has passed all of her addition and subtraction math facts and is on multiplication. Multiplication in Kindergarten? Her class is a K/1 split and she does all of her academics with the first graders. She is doing great in her dance class and loves going there. Yesterday her and I were practicing pitching for the first time since her softball team does not have a pitcher and she was just doing a great job at it. And Jared is so great too. As much of a little trouble maker he can be he is one smart cookie. He can work a computer better than I can. He is a little sponge and his sister keeps trying to teach him everything she knows. He was trying to bat yesterday (and doing a darn good job at it) and Korrine was pitching to him. She kept telling him to just watch the ball from her hand to his bat, and he was hitting pretty darn good for a just turned 4 year old!

Anyhow speaking of softball did I mention I have become the new pitching coach for Korrine's team? Yep I was outed by coaches wife as a former softball player and pitcher and volunteered by them into the position lol. It should be fun and interesting. Have you ever seen 6-8 year olds try and fast pitch a softball? Hehe. I really just want a t-shirt. I will do pretty much anything for a free t-shirt. Hell, that is one of the reasons I want to run the 5K.

So once I got home from Korrine's game yesterday I went for a short bike ride with Dan. Probably only a couple of miles. Let me just say my lungs were fine and my legs were fine. So why stop at two miles? Well my hands were on fire from holding the handles and it felt like someone shoved a boot up my vajayjay. Bike seats are not fat girl friendly. But hey eventually I have to get used to it and maybe figure out how to cop a cheap feel off of it lol. Then maybe I will really enjoy the 12 miles to work!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

May 22nd...15 weeks out.

So someone told me I should start a blog about my weight loss surgery journey. That was about a month ago. Well what the heck I guess it is about high time I log something about what is going on with me. So lets start here, 15 weeks and 44 pounds down in my "new life". People are noticing I am smaller but I am still big. Heck my poor daughter was teased yesterday about her Mommy being fat. Luckily she is good kid and told the other girl not to talk bad about her Mommy because Mommy is losing weight and will be skinny soon. Bless her heart. My 6 year old has more confidence in me than I do. Okay anyhow back on track here. I had bariatric surgery on Feb 6, 2007. When most people hear the term "bariatric" they automatically think of a gastric bypass. You know where they slice and dice your innards and reconnect a new baby stomach right to the poop shoot? Okay well maybe not quite like that but anyhow that's not the procedure I had done. I had a Lap-Band installed. I say installed because that's pretty much what they did. The Lap Band is a silicone implant, sort of comparable to a baby inner tube. It is wrapped around the top of the stomach creating a small pouch so I can only eat a little bit of food at a time. The "inner tube" is connected to a small port that lies under my skin in the center of my stomach via a tube. Now this band can be adjusted to make the hole from the smaller top pouch of my stomach bigger or smaller depending on how much fluid is injected or withdrawn through the port. Think of the upper small pouch of my stomach and the larger lower portion as and hour glass. The more fluid injected in the band will make it tighter around my stomach and make the opening between the upper and lower parts smaller. The smaller the hole, the less I can eat and the slower it moves into the lower pouch. The larger the opening the faster the food moves through. Pretty easy science. Except I really try to cheat it sometimes. You can move the food away from the fat girl but you can't get the fat girl away from the food.

I really thought this would be much easier than it is. Don't get me wrong I am not complaining. I feel great. I have lost 44 pounds which is pretty much the most I have ever lost at one time. But if anyone thinks that surgery is the easy way out they are sorely mistaken. This is the hardest thing I have done in my life. I still have to watch what I am eating. Sure I have to eat less but this band can only do so much work. Some foods will go right on down if I keep shoving it in my face. Ice cream, milk shakes, crunchy snacks (chips, etc) are all very bad foods. I still have to diet to lose weight. I still have to exercise to lose weight. The only difference is that I can't eat a lot at once. But I could eat a little every hour if I wanted to. But that would defeat the purpose. And we are trying really hard to not do that.

Anyhow so right now my life consists of a liquid diet. But only for the rest of the day. I had a fill yesterday so that means two days of liquids. It's not so bad since I am not hungry. I eat more because I am bored not because I am hungry. And my exercising. Yeah that has been fun. At least it is getting better. I am enjoying it more and wanting to do it. I walk three miles at work everyday. I have a walking partner who also had the crazy idea with me that we were going to do a 5K in July. Yeah I am a big girl and she is a smoker. We are not planning on finishing anywhere above last and next to last. It is a race to see which of us is going to lose lol. Hell I am going to be happy to finish within an hour! So I have begun training for that. I have to run for 3 whole minutes today. I'll let you know tomorrow how much oxygen they had to give me at the hospital when it is all said and done.

Well I have some yogurt calling my name. Did you know that yogurt and sugar free pudding are considered full liquids? Yeah me either.