Monday, May 28, 2007

15 weeks 6 days

I cannot figure out why in the hell I have been so fricken depressed. Am I too tired or something? Seriously. I just want to sit on my ass and do nothing. I have been going all weekend. I rode for about 7 miles yesterday which is a pretty darn big deal, just to follow it up today with another 5 mile ride and my running. The endorphins should be flowing like mad. I should not feel like I want to just jump in front of a damn truck. Maybe I am just really tired. I have had a pretty decent day, there is just no logical reason for me to feel like poo right now. Ugh and now I have a headache. Is it wrong to take vicodin for a headache? If I called it a migraine would it be more acceptable?

SO my friends had this BBQ thing for Memorial Day. Just another excuse to get drunk. Am I the only person in my group of friends who is so completely over that? Don't get me wrong I like to have myself a good time and get a little toasty on occasion but it just seems like any night of the week there is a good excuse to be found to get hammered. I just don't get it. I know I have kids and maybe I would think that was the difference but I see other people in this group who have kids and are out all the time. It just does not seem appropriate I guess. Or maybe I am just bitchy and that is why I have issues with it. I mean really who am I to talk about what anyone else does. I don't really care, I just need something to bitch about.

I have been working my ass off lately. Working out and crap. Hell I do at least an hour of cardio each day if not more. I walk 3 miles a day at work on my lunch break, I run three times a week (yeah I will definitely have to mention that one later), I ride my bike, my ass hurts in places I did not even know existed from the damn bike seat. I seem to expect this weight to just fall off and it is not. It is just slowly creeping off. Hell I think I can put on 5 pounds on one day but it takes me 5 weeks just to lose that. I need to stop being so damn hard on myself and start being more patient. Anyhow the running thing. So I am now on week 4 of the couch to 5K.
Week 4 consists of:
a 5 minute warm up walk
Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Yeah I actually did all this believe it or not. Me and my 3.7mph lol. I don't even care how slow I went the fact that i did it was amazing enough for me. I ran for 5 minutes straight! TWO TIMES! I almost shat myself when it was over I could not believe I did it. I think I am going to take it up just a little bit more either 3.8 or 3.9 the next time I run it (Wednesday). I do not want to over do it. One thing I can say is that if anyone says that surgery is the easy way out I am going to blacking their effing eye. The only thing that surgery keeps in check is the amount of some foods I eat. Yeah some. I can still eat crackers and ice cream until the cows come home. I still have to use a huge amount of willpower to actually eat the right things and to work out. I am working my ass off here and I deserve every little bit of success that comes along with it.

I think I have figured out the root of my problems. Work. I do not want to go to work. I hate the people I work with. Most of them. They are terrible and talk shit about me all the time. It is miserable for me to be there. That must be why I am torturing myself right now and not just going to sleep. Sleep means work comes faster. Ugh. I need to get the hell out of that environment. Okay I think my little bitch fest is over. Night night time.

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