Saturday, December 29, 2007

My name is Stacy and I am an addict.....

Yes it is about high time I make my addiction public. It's not booze. It's not smoking. It's not drugs. I am utterly and unbelievably addicted to sugar. Yep, the other white powder. It is high time I get real honest with myself about the situation. I know I have mentioned before how I am addicted to the stuff but now it is getting bad. Really bad. Out of control bad. I can start out my day real good with a nice healthy meal and by lunch I am just needing the stuff. I will tell myself all morning that I will not have any sugar for the day and I'll be damned if I am not sticking my porky hand in the cookie jar by 10 am. I really never thought it could possibly be that hard for someone to just stop stop drinking, or just stop smoking. I can easily do both of those thing. I can have a ciggarette because I am stressed or whatever and not have the urge to pick another one up. Hell when I am stressed I usually don't even have the urge. I am just bored and the social people are out smoking.

I have to get this under control. It is 10:22am and I am already getting light headed and dizzy. WTF This is ridiculous. Did you know that damn near every fucking condiment in my house has sugar in it? Ranch dressing, sugar. BBQ sauce, sugar. Ketchup, sugar. What the fuck am I supposed to put on my food? Is it possible to eat food without toppings? How the hell do you eat a salad with no dressing? And sweeteners are not really supposed to be helpful even looking past the cancer shit. I feel like my life is over. I am so not kidding. If I do this, I can't have any sugar anymore. Even a little bit send me off into this downward spiral. I ate like a whole fucking huge bag of M&Ms yesterday. Who does that? Who eats an industrial sized bag of candy? I was sick to my stomach and still popping those babies in mouth.

Okay I gotta be positive about this. I need 5 days. The professionals say that it takes 5 days to detox from this crack. I am on day 1. The first third of day 1. I can do this right? 4 days of hell and I feel great on day 5. I can make it 5 days right? Even though I can't make it 5 hours? I have been awake for 3.5 hours. Does that make me 3.5 hours sober? My head is starting to pound.

Fuck me, I am screwed.

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