Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Charlotte's Web

So last night there was this gargantuan spider outside my doorwall. I mean this thing was so big that I half expected to see the words "Some Pig" woven into the web, which was about 4 feet wide. So I figured if I used the wasp and hornet spray I could stand about 13 feet away while spraying the thing down. After emptying about a half a can of the stuff on him and the web I realized he was never going to die. I mean it was amazing how he was covered in the foam and just shook it off and kept crawling around. Finally I got one of DH's shoes and the flyswatter and doing my best girlie shriek ran at the thing with the shoe, hit it against the window, and repeatedly beat it on the ground with the flyswatter until it was in about 9834759 pieces. Then I needed a Valium. The kids of course thought this whole thing was hilarious. DH just sat back and watched the whole thing. Sometimes I think he is more of a sissy girl than me. At any rate, the spider is dead. And I did not sleep well. At about quarter of two I woke up to two cat or something fighting in my backyard. I have good sounds effects to go along with this but I just can't do them justice via blogger. In fact the spider story is funnier if I can tell it to you with fun hand gestures and sound effects. Anyhow, so after I got up and saw not cats anywhere I went back to bed. Within 5 minutes I hear some some guy yelling obscenities like about how he was going to beat the person he was talking to down. I assume he was on the phone because I did not hear another voice yelling back. And it was more of a "I am going to shoot you down" conversation than anything else. Usually when people get too loud in the middle of the night I will yell out my window for them to shut up. But there was banging on my fence and I'll admit, I was a little scared. Probably the first time I have ever felt really scared in my own house like that. This is the penalty I pay for buying a corner house down the street from the ghetto I suppose. Had I know I would have sicced good old Charlotte on him pre-death. There is a good chance she could have taken him down.

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