Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Cooking Fool

Why is it that I find it necessary to volunteer myself and my home for Christmas Eve? Not that I mind the cooking, I really do love doing it, but it just seems that everything that can go wrong does. I have had an awful afternoon. There was more snow, I did not get all my shopping done, and my kitchen is a wreck. Not to mention that whatever magical thing that happens when one cooks and peels hard boiled eggs never happens for me. I am stuck peeling a bazillion little pieces of shell and completely ruining the nice smooth look of the egg. My deviled eggs look like cottage cheese thighs. And I should know, because I have them. The second batch fared better than the first. One third of the first batch is in my childrens tummies, another few were thrown across my kitchen and the rest thrown at the tree in the backyard. I am not neccesarily proud, but it did make me feel slightly better. But I seriously need to chill out. It's the most wonderful time of the year, right?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

I just love snow. Really, there is just nothing like a good 14 inches being dumped on you in the matter of two days. And the -15F windchill? Just lovely. Yeah, I am so ready for summer already.

So I feel like I had something profound to write this morning when I started this blog but now it totally escapes me. Oh well. At least I only have one more day of work until my vacation. Thank goodness. I am so ready to be off work for a couple weeks. I do really enjoy my job but sometimes the monotony just kills me.

I am really excited for Christmas. We really did not get too much stuff this year. The kids have 9 gifts to open each, and most if it is pretty frugal stuff. The most costly would have to be the girl's dance competition warm ups. I would never in a million years spend $85 on a sweat suit for myself, much less my growing child. But since there was no choice in the matter, the suit was purchased. A little bit large to hopefully last a few years. I might have to get a second job just to afford her competition stuff for next year. Seems ridiculous, but she really does love it.

Now we are getting a Wii from my parents and s Wii Fit from Dan's Dad. I am not going to pretend that it is going to inspire me to workout more, but it does seem like it will be good fun.

So for next year I want to do something crazy. Not certifiable or anything, but something out of the ordinary for me. Like working out for an hour every day next year, or doing 1 push up daily and adding one onto it the next day, and so on, so that on December 31st 2009 I would be doing 365 push ups in a day. That probably will not seem too bad for the first few weeks of the year lol. But I have never been good with sticking with a plan. Maybe I should start working on that.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

2008 Reflections

I swear I think about this blog and just never get the inspiration to post. So since I am awake and everyone else is sleeping I guess now is as good a time as any. 

My weight loss has hit a wall. Not only did I hit the wall but it must have been made of rubber because it sprung me back a good 30 pounds or so. There I said it. I gained 30 pounds this year. It's not pretty. I am hanging onto 218 and praying I don't go up anymore. So 2008 is a wash. On the weight loss scale it is a year wasted, no doubt. From here I have 2 choices. I can wallow in self pity and defeat and just give it up, or I can fight it. Just because I failed this year does not mean that next year has to follow suit. I can change it, I can fix it, I can make it better. And I have half a month to figure out how to do so. I definitely have to step it up. I need to get my rear into the gym and on my bike. I need to be more conscious of the food I am putting in my mouth. I know what I need to do but now I need to learn how to just do them. 

I have been feeling very down on myself lately. As if I never do enough around the house. As if I am not as good of a mother as someone else. As if I am not as good of a wife as someone else. And the one thing I think I am finally starting to realize is that comparing myself to others is never going to get me anywhere but down in the gutter. Just because I am not Martha Stewart or Suppernanny does not mean I am any less of a person. I consistently give less than my all because I am afraid that I will never live up to standards that are just set too high. I am afraid of failing so I don't even try. Then I can tell others I have failed but never feel like a true failure because I have never put my all into it. But what if I do put my all into it and fail? Is it such a bad thing to say that for once I put my everything into something? So what if I don't succeed at the task at hand. It will be a huge personal success to just put my all into something. 

So here and now I claim 2009 as the year of Stacy. I will be 29 this year and as my final year in my 20's I expect it to be the best. I will work on myself mentally, spiritually, and physically. I will take care of myself and treat myself as the wonderful person I deserve to be treated like. I will transform my life into the woman I want to become, the woman I know is deep inside of me fighting to get out. The mother. The wife. The athlete. The housekeeper. The philanthropist. 

So onto goal setting. Goal setting, not resolution making. And I certainly have a few. So here we go:

1. The weight. Obviously it was going to be on there. I am giving myself the whole year to get down to my goal of 155. A whole year broken down is about 6 pounds per month. About 1.5 pounds per week. If I can eat right and exercise well I can do this by the end of the year.

2. Spiritual. Sometimes I let this get away from me. It is important to have Jesus in my life daily. I have improved upon this during this year, but I know I can get better. My swearing has improved. I think about things before I say them. I feel more guilt for the things I know I should not do or say. I want a closer relationship with Jesus, plain and simple.

3. Parenting. I know I will never be a super parent. I know this was not something I planned at this time in my life. But these children were a gift from God and he has left me this responsibility of shaping and molding their lives into productive, loving, wonderful adults. So instead of putting my wants first I must start putting them first-100% of the time, not just when it is convenient for me. My goal is to make that my first reaction.

4. Marriage. This is always a constant battle. Maybe not as much lately. One thing I have learned this year is that I can't expect to get much out of my marriage if I am not putting anything into it. So instead of expecting Dan to give me what I want I need to give him what he wants and know that I am going to eventually get fulfillment out of that. It is a two way street. I still need to work on it, but I am in a much better place than I was last year. I only expect things to get better this year. In December of 2009 I want to look back at this post and know my marriage is in a better place than it is today.

5. Community. This year I want to give more than I receive. Monetarily it is not easy but I can donate my time and effort. I know how good it feels to give and I want to have that feeling in my life daily. Goal- to find a way to give back on a consistent basis. Volunteer at church, volunteer in the community, find a way to do at least one thing every month. 

6. Money. Always a touchy subject. Right now with the economy going to crap I feel blessed to have a much as I do. I have a relatively stable job, as does Dan. We can pay our bills with a tiny bit left over. We can live comfortably even if we can't do everything we would like. We are almost finished with our bankruptcy, which is amazing. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. My black and white goal is to have a $1000 emergency fund saved by the end of the year. For some it does not seem like much, but when you are living paycheck to paycheck it is a lifeline. 

So, yeah. There they are, all laid out in black and white. Now I have to stick with them. I am going to print them out and look at them daily. I want to keep them on my mind as a daily reminder of what I am doing with myself for 2009. So now that I have my goals I need to set up my plan. I need support. I need accountability. That's where my coaching comes in. I still have not decided if I am going to go public with this and let you read it J, but maybe soon I will. 

Right now I feel pretty good about things. I just hope I can continue with that.