Sunday, December 14, 2008

2008 Reflections

I swear I think about this blog and just never get the inspiration to post. So since I am awake and everyone else is sleeping I guess now is as good a time as any. 

My weight loss has hit a wall. Not only did I hit the wall but it must have been made of rubber because it sprung me back a good 30 pounds or so. There I said it. I gained 30 pounds this year. It's not pretty. I am hanging onto 218 and praying I don't go up anymore. So 2008 is a wash. On the weight loss scale it is a year wasted, no doubt. From here I have 2 choices. I can wallow in self pity and defeat and just give it up, or I can fight it. Just because I failed this year does not mean that next year has to follow suit. I can change it, I can fix it, I can make it better. And I have half a month to figure out how to do so. I definitely have to step it up. I need to get my rear into the gym and on my bike. I need to be more conscious of the food I am putting in my mouth. I know what I need to do but now I need to learn how to just do them. 

I have been feeling very down on myself lately. As if I never do enough around the house. As if I am not as good of a mother as someone else. As if I am not as good of a wife as someone else. And the one thing I think I am finally starting to realize is that comparing myself to others is never going to get me anywhere but down in the gutter. Just because I am not Martha Stewart or Suppernanny does not mean I am any less of a person. I consistently give less than my all because I am afraid that I will never live up to standards that are just set too high. I am afraid of failing so I don't even try. Then I can tell others I have failed but never feel like a true failure because I have never put my all into it. But what if I do put my all into it and fail? Is it such a bad thing to say that for once I put my everything into something? So what if I don't succeed at the task at hand. It will be a huge personal success to just put my all into something. 

So here and now I claim 2009 as the year of Stacy. I will be 29 this year and as my final year in my 20's I expect it to be the best. I will work on myself mentally, spiritually, and physically. I will take care of myself and treat myself as the wonderful person I deserve to be treated like. I will transform my life into the woman I want to become, the woman I know is deep inside of me fighting to get out. The mother. The wife. The athlete. The housekeeper. The philanthropist. 

So onto goal setting. Goal setting, not resolution making. And I certainly have a few. So here we go:

1. The weight. Obviously it was going to be on there. I am giving myself the whole year to get down to my goal of 155. A whole year broken down is about 6 pounds per month. About 1.5 pounds per week. If I can eat right and exercise well I can do this by the end of the year.

2. Spiritual. Sometimes I let this get away from me. It is important to have Jesus in my life daily. I have improved upon this during this year, but I know I can get better. My swearing has improved. I think about things before I say them. I feel more guilt for the things I know I should not do or say. I want a closer relationship with Jesus, plain and simple.

3. Parenting. I know I will never be a super parent. I know this was not something I planned at this time in my life. But these children were a gift from God and he has left me this responsibility of shaping and molding their lives into productive, loving, wonderful adults. So instead of putting my wants first I must start putting them first-100% of the time, not just when it is convenient for me. My goal is to make that my first reaction.

4. Marriage. This is always a constant battle. Maybe not as much lately. One thing I have learned this year is that I can't expect to get much out of my marriage if I am not putting anything into it. So instead of expecting Dan to give me what I want I need to give him what he wants and know that I am going to eventually get fulfillment out of that. It is a two way street. I still need to work on it, but I am in a much better place than I was last year. I only expect things to get better this year. In December of 2009 I want to look back at this post and know my marriage is in a better place than it is today.

5. Community. This year I want to give more than I receive. Monetarily it is not easy but I can donate my time and effort. I know how good it feels to give and I want to have that feeling in my life daily. Goal- to find a way to give back on a consistent basis. Volunteer at church, volunteer in the community, find a way to do at least one thing every month. 

6. Money. Always a touchy subject. Right now with the economy going to crap I feel blessed to have a much as I do. I have a relatively stable job, as does Dan. We can pay our bills with a tiny bit left over. We can live comfortably even if we can't do everything we would like. We are almost finished with our bankruptcy, which is amazing. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. My black and white goal is to have a $1000 emergency fund saved by the end of the year. For some it does not seem like much, but when you are living paycheck to paycheck it is a lifeline. 

So, yeah. There they are, all laid out in black and white. Now I have to stick with them. I am going to print them out and look at them daily. I want to keep them on my mind as a daily reminder of what I am doing with myself for 2009. So now that I have my goals I need to set up my plan. I need support. I need accountability. That's where my coaching comes in. I still have not decided if I am going to go public with this and let you read it J, but maybe soon I will. 

Right now I feel pretty good about things. I just hope I can continue with that.

No comments: