Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Walgreens is not at the top of my happy list right now. But it is number one on my poop list. 

This afternoon the girl child and I spent some time taking pictures for her science fair project. Since the CVS website hates me and I was too lazy to walk all the way into Walmart I sent them over to Walgreens to be processed. Well the first strike was when the store closest to me was not available for online orders, so I had to drive about 10 more minutes instead of the original 2 I had planned on. Then I have to drive through the aftermath of a lovely snowstorm. Strike 2 because I dislike snow. So I get there 15 minutes after my pics are due to be ready and naturally they have yet to receive my order because their downloads have been slow. But the manager will take my info and give me a call when he finds out what is going on. Ummm hello? It is crappy out and why would I want to go out in it again? Strike 3. Really just don't go to Walgreens for pictures. Good rebates, coupon deals, sure. Pictures, not so much.

The moral here? Don't change it up if it's already working. Even if it is for laziness sake. My photos are back at Walmart.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

It's a new day

Really it is 3:50am and I am not tired. For the first time in a long time I got up with my alarm. No snooze button for 20 minutes, no complaining. Just got up and got myself ready. I definitely feel good about that. Not just that, I feel good all over. And the comment you left me Deb felt really nice. Thanks. You inspire me as well with how you have picked up and returned to school and with all of the beautiful art you create. We need to trade tips =)

So today my dilemma is lunch. My mother has graciously offered to take me out to Miller's for a burger. Those of you in the Detroit area know Miller's. Or live under a rock. At any rate Miller's serves up the most fabulous delicious burgers in the world. Which is probably equivalent to my entire days worth of calories. It is just that good. And given enough time and removal of the top bun (bread is hard for me to eat) I can eat the whole burger. So do I say yay or nay?

Who am I kidding? It is free lunch and Miller's. Of course I am having the burger. We are going for normalcy here and normal people eat burgers. 

Oh and today I have some running to do. My official training still does not start until Feb but I think I have mentioned that 14 times now. But the bonus is that the running is getting easier. I wonder how much easier it will be at 150 pounds?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Another new week

It's been a few days since I have been here. Diet and exercise wise, it has not been a good week. I have not felt well and it has pretty much consumed me. And not because it was horrible, but because I let it. And I feel like I have been so busy this past week, yet I have gotten nothing done. At least nothing of value. I don't want to sit here all boohoo depressed about it, but it certainly is there. I need to get out of this rut, and to do that I need to get off my butt and do something. The way my day goes is directly related to how much I am willing to put into it. I have the power to get it all back on track. Well with a little help from above of course. Or a lot of help lol. 

I seem to do much better when I check in here daily so that is the plan. Today I am going to get to the gym and do a little running. Nothing much, just a few miles. And later on this evening the kids have a roller skating party so I will have some fun doing that as well. Tuesday and Thursday will be running days for 30-45 minutes each day and I will add some walking to complete a whole hour of cardio. I also need to get back to my weight lifting but I am just not too sure on how to do that just yet. The gym is too crowded right now for that and I am too self conscious about it to do it at the gym alone. I am hoping I can somehow create a home plan with my 5 and 10 pound dumbbells and a resistance band. Maybe today I can plan that.

Food wise I need to work on portions this week. And cutting the sugar back out. Easy peasy to plan, not so easy peasy to execute. But I have to keep trying. I am not a quitter. Not this year anyhow. I have another few weeks to improve my running a bit until my official training for the May 31st half begins. I am feeling better about it.  I know if I can keep it up I am going to be fine. And the feeling I get when I cross the finish line will make it all worth the while. 

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Getting really honest with myself.

The more I think about it, the more it depresses me. I can not do the half marathon I was planning on. I just can't. I will be out of town and having to get my daughter ready for dance. Seeing her face light up when she is on stage will always be more important to me than some silly race. But I am still bothered by it. And furthermore, the only other half marathon turtle friendly race available in April-May is the last week of April, and of course she has another competition that weekend as well. So the countdown is off. At least for now. But I promised myself I was going to do this. PROMISED. So that leaves me with no other option that this:

Now the problem here is that this is a timed thing (okay well they all are). I mean I have to finish in 2:40. Or I get kicked out of the race. That is embarrassing. So I have to maintain 5mph through the whole thing. That is a HUGE thing for me. Especially for 13.1 miles. But it is my only option. And yes, I know the website is for the 2008 run. This years run is on May 31. That is 130 days away. A little over 4 months. I have to do it.

Plus in September I will be wearing this:
or this:

Yeah I need to get this weight off and fast.

Friday, January 16, 2009

79 more days

Yesterday was a bad day for me all around. I did not make it to the gym. I ate a bunch of crap. I am suffering for it now too. I just don't feel very well. I have not been getting to bed early and my house is a wreck. I have DD's birthday sleepover tonight. My house is a wreck. And apparently the kids do not have school today. Nice. At least now I have a reason to get out of here early.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

81 more days

Tomorrow is running again. Today I did my biking. I am exhausted and so ready to go to bed.

Baby it's cold outside

Right around -2F. I am so not a big fan of the cold weather, that's for sure. But at least after 15 minutes of warming up my car was nice and toasty. And I am wearing fluffy sweatpants. I wish I could just wear them all day. If I did not have to work, I just might.

My friend's daughter came to stay the night last night around 10pm. Her son was admitted to the hospital for a possible appendectomy and she needed a place for the girl to go. It was late for me. Then DD woke up and they had a giggle fest for a good hour. Both of them are going to be tired at school today. Very tired. And I am going to be tired at work.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

82 more days

So I am sitting here contemplating the next few days. Not because of working out, not because of the frigid weather that is going to arrive, but because of my daughters birthday. Yes, my little baby girl is going to be 8 years old. It brings back a lot of crazy memories, but that is not the point I am trying to make. What I am trying to say is how am I going to deal with all this cake? That is so not what a normal thin person thinks about but it is high on my mind. I have to make 60 cupcakes for school. There are 60 kids in her class. Yes, you read that right. It is not as bad as it seams, as there are 2 teachers and 2 assistants, and the classrooms are split with a dividing wall. But the point remains that I can't just make food for half the classroom. And I can't not make cupcakes. She is really excited to help me make them. So I have to get through tonight without eating any batter. Then tomorrow is her actual birthday. Since Daddy is working we are going to celebrate on Thursday. So tomorrow I have to make her family cake. Then Friday, you guessed it, I was suckered into letting her have a sleepover. She must have caught me at a weak moment. So there is cake baking day number 3. I can't eat that much cake. I mean, I can, but not without costs. I just don't know why I put this temptation in front of me. I think it is in some drastic hope to maybe just be normal. A normal Mom can just make cookies and cupcakes and cakes and muffins without eating over half of them. A normal Mom can make a cake without having to compensate for the full cup of batter she drank. I just want to be that person darn it. I don't want to constantly battle with sweets and eating. I want to be normal. Sometimes I think I would rather be an alcoholic than be obese. Actually maybe and extra glass of wine might help me get through all the baking without tasting. I may have just solved my own problem.

Back to the important stuff. I did get to the gym this afternoon so I am rocking on my workouts. I am not quite to the rockstar status I would like to be, but I am slowly on my way. Today was a running day and I spent 35 minute son the treadmill. I alternated running and walking every 1.5 minutes. All of my walking I did at 3.5mph and the running I started at 5mph, then the next interval was 5.1, then 5.2, etc until my last running interval of 6mph. I know it is no faster than a tortoise pace but one day I will be that rabbit. I will run a sub 10 minute mile by July12th. Tomorrow is cross training and I have not yet decided what I will be doing. Probably come home and hit the bike. That seems to make the most sense right now. Plus it is going to be cold and yucky outside, so the less I am out the better. 

Food wise today was fine. Yogurt and Fiber one bar in the morning. Leftover chicken and broccoli rice for lunch, and a protein shake after my workout. Dinner might be spaghetti. Or cake batter.

Monday, January 12, 2009

83 more days

It is 3 in the afternoon and I am sitting here in my pajamas. I have worked a full day and aside from those pesky dishes from last night my house is pretty much clean. I already have caught up on a few things in the DVR. And I sit her and type this smug as can be because I also got in my workout for the day. I have eaten healthy all day thus far and even though there is a bunch of crap sitting in the kitchen to be chowed down upon (thanks Mom) I don't even want it. I am full as can be from my delicious protein shake. And I got a good hard bike ride in. Oh and did I mention that I lost 4 pounds last week? Yeah, me. 4 pounds. Amazing. I feel kind of good right now. Really good actually. 

Sunday, January 11, 2009

The dishes are not done...

my clothes are not laid out for tomorrow, lunches are not packed, it's almost 9:30 and I am not sleeping, but by golly I did the six miles. They were not pretty or pain free, heck they were even downright ugly and slow. But I DID IT!!!!!!!  My protein shake never tasted so good. 

Tomorrow I weigh in and I am freaked out. I know I have been good this week. I may have eaten a few things that I should not have, but no where near the quantities I have been having lately. I have ran 3 times this week and worked out more than that. But I am still scared. Scared because as much as I don't want it to, the scale still rules my world. I know it is not healthy (hence the reason I don't have one in my home) but I can't help it. I am afraid it is going to be that way for the rest of my life. I would hope that getting to goal would keep me from obsessing over it. But I have never gotten there so I have no clue. If my weigh in goes sour tomorrow it could potentially mess up my entire day. Or week even. I have to stay positive. Hopefully.

84 more days

Well my day has not started quite as I planned. The boy slept in and then wanted to give me cuddles for about an hour. Who am I to argue that? So early church is out. We are just starting to get ready right now. Well the boy is at least. My workout will happen a little later than planned but that is okay. I am still going to try to talk myself into being excited about and afternoon workout. Of course I am excited. I have a Muddy Buddy to get ready for. To win. To beat DH. Oh I am feeling it now. I just have to remind myself later of those things.

So I have managed to not eat any candy or chips all weekend. Considering we have been pretty much snowed in, that is kind of a big deal. It has not been easy, but necessary. I wish I had the willpower to just eat a small portion of chips or candy but I am just not there. I have one and before I know it the whole bag is gone. I don't want to play that game. 

I should probably get off here now and get ready. I will try to update on my workout later (as if anyone truly cares) just so I have a record of how it went and how I feel. Toodles.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

So many changes, so many things unchanged

As usual my plans have been changed again. There is enough snow that church is out of the question tonight. 25 miles after 7 inches of snow is not my idea of a good time. Or a safe time at that. But now there is the dilemma of getting to the gym tomorrow. My plan was to go when they open at 9am. But now I have to get to church tomorrow and I have the boy with me. And of course there is no day care at the gym on Sundays. So I am thinking I might go to church for 9:15, take the kids to my parents house afterward, hit the gym up then and go home. It is risky, mostly because I do not follow through on exercise in the afternoons. But if I do that then DH can pick the kids up after he gets off work and I can nap after I run. Sometimes I think this is God's way of helping me to learn how to deal with things not going the way I planned. It seems to happen a lot lately and I think the extra practice is helping.

I just read through my entire blog from the beginning (not that big of a feat since there were like 40 posts total for 07 and 08).  It is funny how much I used to swear. I used to swear that much irl as well. It is a huge thing for me to have pretty much tamed my potty mouth. I have still not gotten rid of all the potty mouthing but those who are closest to me notice. But so much of what I wrote was in such anger and disgust with myself. I don't want to be that girl anymore. I still struggle so much with my weight and food and that negative attitude has gotten me absolutely nowhere. Actually nowhere would be better than where I have gotten myself, as now I am 25 pounds farther behind than I was at this time last year. But at the same time I feel like I might have this whole new insight on myself that just might not be there had I not dealt with the last year. 

My spirituality has grow immensely this year. Just like my body. But that is a good thing. I feel like I am in a really good place this year with all that. Heck, I am rearranging my schedule to go to church. That would not have happened at this time last year. I know only good things are going to come of it. It makes me feel good about myself and feel like I can accomplish anything. I like that feeling. It's nice.

So it is snowy, and I know I am not supposed to but I think I am going to go run the snow blower. I can't stand the driveway being all yuck.

85 more days

I am still going to continue the countdown even though yesterday I was dealt the low blow of my daughter having a dance competition on the same weekend. I still have not quite decided what I am going to be doing. The competition is all weekend long and the race is Sunday morning. And the competition is about and hour from home. I am just not sure at this point what I am going to do. I guess I will wait and see and play it by ear. I am a little depressed but I am not going to let it cause me to quit just yet. Plus I still have a Muddy Buddy to prepare for.

So today is my official day off. I have 6 miles tomorrow that I have to be ready to run. I will probably go to my parents house and walk the dog, but I don't count that as real exercise. Nor do I count the the snow shovelling I am about to do. No, wait. I don't have any snow shovelling to do because I am not allowed. LOL. Guess DH will be getting out there and doing it. And he darn well should since I just served him up a lovely breakfast in bed. Is it a bad thing that I am trying really hard to fatten him up so he doesn't perform as well on the Muddy Buddy? Yeah, it probably is. But really it was his choice to eat the 3 eggs, 4 slices of toast, 5 pieces of bacon, and 3 pancakes. I just gave him all the left overs the kids did not want =) Personally I had 3/4 of a piece of toast, 3/4 of an egg, and 3/4 of a slice of bacon. It is a miracle I did not munch on the bacon while I cooked it. And another small miracle that I threw away the rest of my breakfast instead of forcing myself to eat it. I am really full and feeling pretty satisfied. That's a good way to start the day.

Speaking of which, I really should be starting my day cleaning the house and not blogging. Ideally I would like to have the place cleaned by noon. But I have no motivation to do so. The kids were up late and woke up early so I am already ready for a nap. Maybe the chance of having a nice little nap later on will get me moving. 

Now since weekend are hardest for me food wise I am going to post my plan here to help remind myself that pigging out is not a good option.

B- one egg, one slice toast, 1 piece of bacon- done!
S1- Natural peanut butter on 1 slice of toast
L- Greek yogurt with blueberries
S2- Fiber 1 bar
D- grilled chicken and brown rice

I need to figure out how to add some veggies in there. Not just today but every day. It is so hard for me to eat a lot of food because of my band. Maybe I should get a juicer or something to get some veggies in. By the time I eat my protein I am so full that I can't even look at veggies. Ugh. 

Well I guess it is off to some fun cleaning. 

Friday, January 9, 2009

I began the day with the best of intentions...

and then life just got to me. Don't get me wrong I have had a decent day, just not quite where I planned it to be right now. The gym? Didn't happen. I had to bring DH the keys to my parents house so he could let the dog out for potty time before he went to work. So then I got in the car to go to the bookstore and ended up pulling into the Meijer parking lot instead. Just not thinking I guess. So since I was also on the prowl for some Greek yogurt (recommended by my hand doc lol) I figured what the heck. Well no yogurt, duh. As if it could just be that convenient. The closest Trader Joe's or Whole Foods is like 30 miles from my house and that is just not going to cut it. Anyhow, I walked around trying to find something to buy and finally gave up. I left to try and find some other health food store that one of my coworkers was telling me about (the annoying biscuit she is) and ended up at Wal-Mart. Whatever store she was talking about does not exist where she thinks it does. Anyhow to make a long boring story short and to the point I found some Greek yogurt at Wal-mart. Who would have thunk it? So I bought some plain and vanilla (the only two flavors they had). Oh. My. Gosh. I was pleasantly surprised. It had the consistency of a thick sour cream. Kinda weird but not at all horrible like I thought it would be. And that was the plain stuff. I actually think it could be a very good substitute for sour cream. It tastes much better than the fat free sour cream and it has 120 calories and 17 grams of protein for a 5.8 ounce container. I dipped my potatoes and chicken from dinner into it. I am really excited to try the vanilla flavor tomorrow. Yeah, it's the small things.

So needless to say I am pretty friggin tired. I can't wait to sleep. I am drunk on tiredness and am not even really sure why I decided it was necessary to post. Yup, time to strap on my uber hot wrist braces. Joy.

86 more days

Yesterday I hit the gym, and hit is pretty hard. I stuck to my workout goal. I yet again almost crapped my pants on the treadmill but luckily this time I was just about done. Instead of jamming out to REO Speedwagon on the treadmill I jammed out walking to my car. And yes I said REO Speedwagon. I heart them. Deal with it.

So I finally got my email that the Muddy Buddy registration has begun. The Muddy Buddy is a mountain biking/ running race where you and you buddy trade off biking and running through a 6-7mile course. There are 5 obstacles set up through out the course which is where you trade off jobs. Then at the end you and your partner crawl through a giant mud pit. Probably the Funnest. Day. Ever. Any how I click on the link to check the dates for Chicago (where we competed last year) and oh my golly gosh did I see the most exciting new eva. They have added a Muddy Buddy in Detroit this year. Oh yes my friends BG is going to be competing only 40 minutes from her house. That means no 5 hour drive home covered in muck praying for a shower. If you are intrigued check it out at .

I am stoked. And DH is talking a lot of smack. You see he and his buddy have already challenged me and my buddy to an all out time war. And I do not plan on losing this one. Running is not my thing just yet but by July 12th I am going to make it my forte. Biking, I am amazing at. Yeah I am that confident about it.

Back to the training for the day. Today is a cross training/walking day so I am going to hit up the elliptical. I was going to play the Wii Fit for awhile but now with the new Muddy Buddy developments I need to get some good training going now. Food sucked yesterday so bad that I am not even going to talk about it. Here is today's plan:

B- Fiber One bar
S1- 2 hard boiled eggs
L- yogurt/Fiber One cereal/ blueberries
S2- protein shake
D- something involving grilled chicken and brown rice

I may or may not throw in a glass of red wine depending on how good I am today. I have to keep my heart healthy you know ;)

Crap now I am going to be late for work.
FYI I ran from my car through the hospital to the time clock and punched in at 5:oo on the nose. See even getting to work is creating exercise opportunity for me.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Hit my goal

I made it to the gym today folks!!!!! Oh yeah, go me But I did do it. Now the biggie will be the 6 miler on Sunday. Right now I am feeling pretty good about it. I just have to keep myself positive and load up the i pod with some wicked cool tunes. Did I just say wicked cool? That is so 1989. Or 5 year oldish because my son says it all the time. 

Speaking of kids my daughter birthday is next week. Since my recently retired father is feeling some twangs of guilt for leaving for Florida before ringing in the big 08 he found it necessary to buy her an extra special gift of the Nintendo DS variety. Not that I mind the gift, because I really truly appreciate all my parents do for us, but there are going to be some all out brawls in the house for the next 5 months until the boys birthday. Because you can't do for one and not do for the other, right? Personally I prefer the Wii because we can all play together and everyone is usually pretty tired and sweaty afterward. If we have to spend all winter inside at least we are getting a workout playing video games. 

So I still have to figure out a dinner plan here. We are going to my parents house before the girl's dance class so they can say bye to their Papa and give him lots of love and well wishes as he loves us for the sunny warmth of the south. Oh how I envy him. Needless to say we probably will not get home until 7 and that is way too late for dinner. I have not had fast food yet this year and I would really like to keep it that way. What's a girl to do?

87 more days

So I did not sleep through my alarm this morning but I was so not wanting to get out of bed. I slept like a rock last night, can't imagine why ;) So much so when DH came home from his buddies house he found not one but two kids in bed with me. When did they get there? I vaguely remember him griping and putting the kids to bed. It kind of freaks me out a little bit that I don't even remember them coming into my room because I was that wiped out from the benedryl, but since I was not the only adult in the house I guess it is not so bad.

So it is 87 more days until the half marathon. If I keep constantly reminding myself of how much time I have left it will help me to focus on getting all my training days in properly. Today I am scheduled to do 30-45 minutes of running. I am still a bit sore from Tuesday but I will live. So treadmill city here I come. I am not the biggest fan of the treadmill but it is a necessary evil to make sure I am pacing myself properly. I am a super slow runner. Plus I have not done it in a long time so I have to build myself back up from super duper pooper slow to just regular really slow. After today I am off for running until Sunday, which is my long day of 6 miles. I would really like these 6 miles if they were outdoors but since it is a frigid 15 degrees out right now I don't foresee any sunny warmth in the near future. But I am thinking the indoor track for that instead of the treadmill. Now I just have to figure out what my kiddies did with my lap counter.

Oh and I have been so obsessed with Twitter lately. I could smack J for that one.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


Is wine an appropriate chaser for benedryl? I am feeling like it is right now. I am pooped. Extremely tired. Tired enough that I am blogging this tonight for fear I will sleep through my 15 minute blogging time slot in the am. 3:45 might be too early for me tomorrow. I am cranky, tired, and having some sort of allergic reaction. Probably to life. At least today anyhow. Food is pretty much shot, but we can get to that later.

So I had an appointment with the hand surgeon at 10am today. I made this appointment some time in early December when I was having some major pain in my left hand. I chalked it up to an old softball injury acting up again. I have had the pain off and on for years but it was uber bad in December. Probably due to my bread making frenzy. I have since alleviated the problem by acquiring a bread maker to do my kneading. But I digress. So I have to wait so long because, of course, my brain only wants the best for my body. Well, at least when surgery may be involved. So I waited for the best. Anyhow I get in there finally and within 3 minutes of questioning and hand holding he says he is pretty sure he know what's wrong. Sends me back for a few more x-rays. We check them out and he tells me I have carpal tunnel syndrome. In both hands. Now I am not surprised because my Mom dealt with the same thing, but I was surprised that is what was causing the pain. So now I have to meet with the nerve doctor and wear these nifty wrist braces at night. And by nifty I mean bulky and uncomfortable. And by at night I mean every night. When I sleep. Giant bulky braces on my wrists. I am now 28 with 50 year old hands. Even worse I have been forbidden any weight training that involves holding weights. And kamikaze cleaning. I snorted a bit when he said that. So needless to say no gym today since I was sulking.

And eating...not so good. Again eating at work was great. At home I stink. Plus with the whole carpal tunnel thing just sent me into a frenzy. But tomorrow is a new day. I still made what was on the dinner plan and I even did the dishes in my weakened condition lol. How long can I milk this?

Finally made it to the gym.

Of course it was crowded. That frustrates me. But I know it will clear out by mid February. At least I go mid day so it is slightly less crowded. Anyhow I ran/walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I have a running plan that I will be sticking to. My newest short term goal is to run a half marathon on April 5th. That is 3 short months from now. Even if I have to walk most of it, I am going to do this. I am going to stick to the exercise plan because it is doable. It is only 3 days of running per week, with a bunch of walking in between. I can do that. Speaking of my workout yesterday I nearly crapped my pants on the treadmill, probably due to the increase in fiber I have had lately. The mental image I have of myself clenching my butt cheeks together while trying to finish the interval I was on is pretty darn humorous.

Now eating was a bit better yesterday. My biggest problem right now is that I love to graze on whatever I am cooking for dinner. Like yesterday I made these Taco pocket things from crescent rolls, taco meat, and shredded cheese. I ate some cheese when I shredded it, mixed a little left over taco meat and cheese with some Doritos for a mini taco salad, had a little more cheese, that kind of thing. So I had the mini taco salad, half a taco pocket and a brownie. Not my worst, not my best. But I did make an entire batch of brownies last night and not sample the batter. That might be the first time something like that has happened. Go me. 

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

My two favorite College football teams are Michigan and who ever is playing Ohio State

I think last night when I told my husband to wake me up near the end of the Fiesta Bowl last night I meant in the last 2 minutes, not with more than 10 minutes left to go. And I am certain it was only if there was a blow out and Ohio State was losing. Now he got the losing part right, but I did not sign up to watch OSU march down the field not once, but twice and take the lead. Or to watch Texas get the ball with 2:10 left, down by 4, 81 yards from the end zone. Now if would have fared him well to wake me up with 16 second left as Texas scored that touchdown. Exciting? Absolutely. But at Midnight on a work night? Not so much. Football on the east coast is no good if you work at 5am. 

So yesterday I did not make it to the gym. I did spend over an hour on the Wii fit and had some quality time with my husband. I think that fit better in my plan than doing the gym alone. But with the trade off being not as vigorous of a workout I know I need to get to the gym today. My eating at work was pristine, but at home not so clean. Going to the gym definitely helps me to eat better. 

My plan:
Exercise- Running on the treadmill for at least 1 hour
Food- B-Fiber 1 bar, S1- Fiber 1 cereal and milk, L- leftover chicken and rice, S2- protein shake, D-taco bake
Water- 80 ounces

Wish me luck.

Monday, January 5, 2009


I am constantly amazed at how people can truly believe that God does not exist. For me to believe that I would have to believe that my life consists of a giant series of coincidences. I just don't feel my life can be that way. For example every week I go to church the message being delivered is solely for my purpose. Now I *know* that is not the case but it certainly feels that way. Yesterday as I was feeling so apprehensive about getting back on the bandwagon, to not only lose the rest of this weight but get my life under control, I received the most amazing message of hope and strength. Goodbye Ordinary, Hello Extraordinary. Here is the gist of it: While we were designed by God to live extraordinary lives many of us settle for ordinary. We have low expectations, we lack effort, we settle, we are paralyzed with fear, we have lost sight of the dream. The result? We live for safety and comfort. Wow. How much does this describe my life at this very moment? I never really try because I am afraid of failure. I would rather never win than put myself out there to possibly lose. That is such a sad fact considering I was designed by God to live an extraordinary live. He loves me and wants me to live the life he designed but I keep resisting and holding back. Only through him will I ever achieve greatness. I have been looking at this whole thing wrong. With him I will never fail. He will carry me through on the days I can't do it myself. I just feel like this huge weight has been lifted. I know i can do this.

(Blue text are the words of Northridge Church and not my own~ I don't want anyone thinking any plagiarizing is going on here =))

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Pizza is not my friend

even though I keep trying to make it be my friend. Soda is not my friend, even though I have gotten back to the bad habit of allowing it in my life. Both of these things together is the stupidest idea ever, yet last night I once again indulged. And once again I spent a few minutes in the bathroom barfing it all up. At what point am I going to learn? I know the consequences, yet I continue to make foolish decisions. I am tired of being in pain from food. But you would never know from my continued bad behavior. 

I get to go back to work tomorrow. Yippie. Yeah. Wow. Woohoo. Do I sound excited yet? New year new attitude? I am getting a bit bored with being home but I am not thrilled at the prospect of going back to work without another vacation for the next 6 months or so. Blah. I miss vacation already. 

And tomorrow will bring my kamikaze approach to getting fit. At least that is what I am telling myself. I am definitely going to the gym, and i want to try to get 30 minutes of walking/stairs/ something at work tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Is it possible for a Baker to be thin?

I know it must be. But really how can anyone bake tons of goodies and not want to lick the bowl clean? I either need a better spatula or more willpower. It is probably the latter. I am sure it does not help that I purposely leave extra batter in the bowl for my own consumption. Yeah, then I complain about not losing weight. I know that problem, now I just have to actually follow through and take care of it. Wasn't this band supposed to solve all of that stuff? I can't believe the dream world i really lived in 2 years ago when I thought that would be the case. Crazy stuff.

So I really do plan on doing something about it. Just not today. Or even tomorrow. But Monday is looking promising. Mostly because i go back to work then and I am going to have to get on the scale when I get there. I don't own a scale (aside from the Wii Fit but I am not putting too much hope on that-I think it is highly under weighing me) so I have to use the scale at work. It is probably better that way as i would be on it daily and driving myself nuts. But really, I do have a plan for Monday. And Mondays are easier for me. I get off work at 1pm and I will head right over to the gym and get on the treadmill. I have planned dinners for the next 2 weeks, and though they might not be the most ideal healthy meals, as long as I use my band and stop eating when I am hungry I will be okay. But working out is definitely key and I need to stop making excuses for myself. 

Friday, January 2, 2009

Yeah so I am a day late...

I really did want to post daily this year, but I was so exhausted last night that it just was not an option. Heck I am still pretty pooped out. It's 8 am and my kids are even still sleeping. Monday is going to be rough for them when they go back to school. It's going to be rough for me to go back to work. I have been enjoying my vacation here all too much. 

So yesterday I spent my day helping a friend clean her house. Her mother passed away last week (right before Christmas) and she has obviously not been in the emotional state to clean house. So since I had nothing better to do I headed on over there to give her a hand. It also caused me to go out to eat twice and do some major pigging out. I hate to use excuses but it is just so much easier to follow good eating habit when I am working and have some kind of pattern going. This spur of the moment, let's go get some Guacamole Live at OTB crap needs to stop. Those events need to be planned. Because I do love me some guacamole. And if I were dipping veggies into it instead of chips it might not be such an issue. Plus I completely forgot about the chicken in the crock pot so as we walked in the door last night the kids immediately stated "what smells like rotten eggs?" Really it was not that bad. Nor did it taste bad. On the contrary it as delicious. So those kids will be eating that chicken in something tonight. And they will like it.

We have been enjoying the Wii Fit since we got it last week. It's fun, but now my whole body is in massive amounts of pain. I am still recovering from the hula hoop. If I do this daily, I better have some rock hard abs by my birthday. Just saying.