Friday, February 27, 2009

Gotta get back into the swing of things

I was running late this morning. So naturally 3 cars up there was someone doing 30 in a 45. And traffic was never clear enough to pass 3 cars. People were driving super slow on the freeway because of the rain. There are only 2 times it is okay to drive below 50 on the freeway, if it is snowing heavily or for some weather related reason you can't see. Neither was the case this morning. People like that should not be allowed to drive. But I still managed to make it in on time. And with Tim Horton's coffee. That makes it a good day.

I am finally feeling better. Nearly back to my old self. Crabby and tired. Gotta love it. So now there is no excuse to not be back in the gym. So we start Sunday. Because you can't start in the middle of the week. Or at the end of one. That is just impossible, right?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

It continues...

We got yet another check in the mail today. This one again for almost $1000. This means that we have officially now paid back all money owed to the kids school, Hubby's father, my bridesmaid dress is paid off, and we have the money for our trip to Florida. We are back in the black baby. I am so happy I could scream. I am so thankful for this windfall of cash. I mean, I know it is our from overpaying taxes but still. I will overpay my taxes every single year if it means getting big checks in that mail. And this summer after 4 long years of payments our Chapter 13 bankruptcy will be paid off. So many people never finish their Chapter 13 plan and we never thought we would see the light at the end of the tunnel. We have learned so much and even though we still make many mistakes we are in the best financial situation we have ever been in. I can't help but to just feel so blessed right now.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Yeah, I haven't been around much

I feel like I am on my deathbed. I actually called in to work yesterday. That marks the first time I have called in due to my own illness in...umm, well I don't even remember. I am that girl who is willing to infect the entire office because I would rather spend my CTO on vacation instead of on being sick. I am not helping myself build up a good bank here and I am almost to the point of not caring. I. Feel. Like. Crap. I start to feel better and see that little light at the end of the tunnel, but really I am just hallucinating. Really I would prefer to see fun things like swirling dragons on a black and white composition pad I saw the one and only time I dropped acid. Yeah back in my days when I didn't know that acid was the street name for LSD. My parents could have saved me a whole world of trouble by not sheltering me and just educating. Dropping acid wasn't scary. Ingesting LSD scared the crap out of me. So now you know my sordid history of drug use. The complete history would include Ecstasy once and maybe hitting the weed a total of 5 times. Yeah, I know, really bad ass. Honestly though my limited drug use caused me to lose a boy friend and a best friend. The last time I smoked weed I was unknowingly pregnant and promised God if she turned out normal I would never touch the stuff again. He kept his end of the bargain so I kept mine. I am not sure how being sick just turned into my drug history but whatever.

So yeah, sinus infection majoramous. The whole left side of my face hurts, from forehead to upper jaw. It hurts to chew. And I like chewing. I like eating. Eating is not even enjoyable. I have a giant laundry basket full of snotty tissues. I think I have used more tissues in the last 2 days than I have in the other 10,520+ days of my life combined. But let's try and see the bright side. At least the infection doesn't smell like rotting flesh.

Or maybe I am too sick to notice.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Amazed

This was not going to be a happy posting. In fact it was going to be downright depressing. I have spent the better half of the day crying and upset. 

I have been waiting not so patiently for my tax refund to be deposited to my account. According to the IRS it was deposited last Friday. The IRS website also said to check back after the 18th if it had not gone through. Well imagine my surprise when I checked today and found out that my entire $2500 was gone. Well not gone, but taken to pay on my student loans. Student loans that I have been paying 15% of my salary to. Which would be fine if we did not have a huge trip to Florida for DD's competitive dance team that was going to be financed with that check. So now we are broke. Again. And I am crying because I have no idea how much more I can cut corners. We don't have any bacon left to trim in our budget. We are already falling short. So now I am freaking out. Sad. Upset. Angry. Embarrassed. Trying to figure out how I was going to make the phone calls. Calling my cousin to say I can't afford to be in her wedding. Calling my buddy to tell her I can't get Muddy. Trying to figure out how to get the kids to school in the morning because I can't afford the extension payment. How to explain to the kids that we just can't have cable for awhile. All these things I can live with but I hate the shame that comes with it. I realize there is nothing else I can do. I shake it off, look up and just ask God to help me make it happen. 

On the drive home I get really honest with my daughter. I tell her everything that is going on. I tell her this no to worry her, but to show her what it is like to struggle. I want her to see us struggle for the things we have so she doesn't make the same mistakes I did. I want her to strive to not struggle. But I digress. We have the conversation. We talk about how we can save money and what we can live without. I also tell her to not worry because God always provides. Sometimes I spend too much time focusing on me and my discomfort and not enough on how God will provide. So we decide to not worry. Ask God to help us out when he sees fit. 

We get home, grab the mail, and go in the house. I sift through the mail and pull out a rather fat envelope from the county treasury. Huh? What is this? I open it up and there are two checks inside. One for $950 and another for $1008. Retro pay from 2006 and 2007 overpayment on property taxes. I fell to the floor in tears. I don't care what anyone says. It is not coincidence. Nor is this the first time that a huge check like that has come in the mail unexpectedly right when I needed it. God is amazing. 



For the Love of God

Please, please, please take this head cold away. I am definitely getting better, my throat doesn't hurt, my cough is a bit more productive, I sound less like a frog, my hunger is returning. But I can not stand up without getting dizzy. I guess if anyone wants to call me a snot today, it would be a fairly accurate description. But hey at least this cold has kept me from really eating too much this week. Doesn't matter though, I still don't want to step on the scale. It used to be fun when I was losing weight and now it is just not so joyous. Dreadful is a good word. Even if I have had a good eating and working out week I dread the scale.

I have decided I am going to do the half marathon at the end of May. For sure going to do it. I have found a training partner at work and she is going to train for it as well. Well, I guess it is more of an accountability partner actually. We are not training together at the same location but we are doing the same training plan and race. I know I could have worded that much more eloquently minus the snot in my head. Bah, I don't care right now.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I feel like...

a turd covered in burnt fur. Really though I am fighting this head cold of the century. It not only makes me hurt but it makes my most enjoyable activity of eating all together not fun and certainly not enjoyable. I can't really smell the food, so I can't really taste the food, yet I keep trying to eat it in hopes that I will feel better. Oh how I wish my vice were booze and not chews. 

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Broken

I am sick. I hate being sick. And I hate that I still come to work when I am sick because no one else will step up and do my job. I can't stop coughing, my throat is raw from it. My ears are ringing and my nose is running. This. just. sucks. And to top it all off I was going to leave after I placed my order but now Peoplesoft is down and I can't do my order until it is back up. ARGH.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Angry and Hurt

Generally I blog about my health and fitness and lackthereof. Yeah, this is a bit different. But I need to get it out somewhere.

Maybe I need to be more humble. Maybe I need a reality check. Maybe others don't see any kind of greatness in me. Maybe others don't think much of me at all. Maybe I am a more horrible person than I think. Maybe it is not everyone else. Maybe it is just me. Maybe I need to step back and take a better look at myself. Maybe I try too hard. Maybe I don't try hard enough. Maybe I am just too tired. Maybe I just can't make it. Maybe hardly anyone likes me. Maybe everyone actually hates me. Maybe I don't do a very good job. Maybe I am just too emotional. Maybe I am delusional. Maybe I don't believe in myself. Maybe I believe in myself too much. Maybe I should pray more. Maybe I don't pray enough. Maybe I should stop letting others in. Maybe I should stop kicking people out. Maybe I am stupid. Maybe I am smarter than I give myself credit for. 

Or maybe, just maybe, I need to focus on myself and stop letting the thoughts and actions of others determine who I am and who I could be. 

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Yes J, I will be writing in February...

So I am back after my hiatus. The Superbowl was last week and it really effed up my week in it's entirety. No working out, not eating well, not sleeping well, no blogging. But, yeah, I am back. Don't hurt yourself jumping for joy.

I am back on this week. Sorta. As much as I want to jump gung ho into being the best eater and the best athlete and the best at everything, I just can't do it. At least not all at once. So this week I focus on getting the exercise back. I rode the bike indoors yesterday for about 35 minutes or so and got nice and sweaty. Today I will be doing some running. Outside. Yes, I said it. Outside baby. Oh yeah. Granted this is probably the only opportunity I will have in the next month or so to take it to the pavement, so I am pretty excited about it. And after that depending on the weather (rain, rain, rain) I might take the kids for a bike ride as well. I know they are itching to play outside with this sub zero weather we have been having. But that is it- working out daily this week. If I can get this back on I can worry less about the food.

Speaking of food I do have some small goals for the week. Nothing drastic. Firstly, no cafeteria food. It's not that tasty and who know what is in it. Secondly, no more flavored milk. Really I don't need any fake strawberry or fatty chocolate whole milk. No matter how delicious it might be. And finally, I am cooking dinner every night this week. Well, with the exception of my anniversary Saturday. And by cooking I mean food not in a box. Challenging, yes. For me at least.

So there is your post J. I will be back tomorrow to let you know how the Hawaiian chicken turns out.