Thursday, February 19, 2009

Amazed

This was not going to be a happy posting. In fact it was going to be downright depressing. I have spent the better half of the day crying and upset. 

I have been waiting not so patiently for my tax refund to be deposited to my account. According to the IRS it was deposited last Friday. The IRS website also said to check back after the 18th if it had not gone through. Well imagine my surprise when I checked today and found out that my entire $2500 was gone. Well not gone, but taken to pay on my student loans. Student loans that I have been paying 15% of my salary to. Which would be fine if we did not have a huge trip to Florida for DD's competitive dance team that was going to be financed with that check. So now we are broke. Again. And I am crying because I have no idea how much more I can cut corners. We don't have any bacon left to trim in our budget. We are already falling short. So now I am freaking out. Sad. Upset. Angry. Embarrassed. Trying to figure out how I was going to make the phone calls. Calling my cousin to say I can't afford to be in her wedding. Calling my buddy to tell her I can't get Muddy. Trying to figure out how to get the kids to school in the morning because I can't afford the extension payment. How to explain to the kids that we just can't have cable for awhile. All these things I can live with but I hate the shame that comes with it. I realize there is nothing else I can do. I shake it off, look up and just ask God to help me make it happen. 

On the drive home I get really honest with my daughter. I tell her everything that is going on. I tell her this no to worry her, but to show her what it is like to struggle. I want her to see us struggle for the things we have so she doesn't make the same mistakes I did. I want her to strive to not struggle. But I digress. We have the conversation. We talk about how we can save money and what we can live without. I also tell her to not worry because God always provides. Sometimes I spend too much time focusing on me and my discomfort and not enough on how God will provide. So we decide to not worry. Ask God to help us out when he sees fit. 

We get home, grab the mail, and go in the house. I sift through the mail and pull out a rather fat envelope from the county treasury. Huh? What is this? I open it up and there are two checks inside. One for $950 and another for $1008. Retro pay from 2006 and 2007 overpayment on property taxes. I fell to the floor in tears. I don't care what anyone says. It is not coincidence. Nor is this the first time that a huge check like that has come in the mail unexpectedly right when I needed it. God is amazing. 



1 comment:

garritygal said...

Got Tears in my eyes reading this one.