Saturday, June 13, 2009

I feel like a Yo-yo

I go back and forth, up and down, over and over again. I have too much time, yet I can never seem to find the time. I diet, I stop. I workout, I stop. It just never feels like I can continue with anything. But eventually that will change, right?

So I read about someone who thinks food is more of an obsession than an addiction. And that she takes OCD meds to help with the head hunger. I wonder sometimes if that would help me at all. I don't feel like I eat because I am sad. Or mad. Or happy. But I do think about food and obsess about it all the time. And if it gets in my head it feel like I have to eat it. Even if I am full. Even if I am not hungry. Kind of like an OCD person might wash their hands. I don't know how to explain it really but the thought is there.

I did get out earlier in the week and run. 6 miles. Six very slow miles. But I did it and that is what is important. The Muddy Buddy is in less than a month and I just do not feel even close to ready.

And now summer is here and the kids are out of school. I have a huge project at work that is going to eat up most of my summer. The OT is nice but missing out on life, not so much. Hopefully it will go smoother than we are thinking.