Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Seriously....WTF?

Welcome back fatty. Nothing says failure like gaining 50 pounds.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Well I am updating at a rate of once per month...

So the summer is winding down. The kids are back to school tomorrow. And I start my NEW JOB!!!!!! Well not totally new, but a management job nonetheless. I am in the same department and office but I have basically switch positions with my old supervisor. He is not upset about the switch (or so he says) so I am now da boss and I got a huge pay raise. So yeah big changes. I am freaked out but excited at the same time.

Weight has been nothing but a huge hassle. Up and down the same 20 pounds. But I did accomplish some goals. Firstly I did my first (and second) triathlons. All I can say is that it was awesome. And I did not come in last place. Bottom of the pack but not the very bottom :) I also broke my personal record for the 5k, while wearing my prom dress (yes, the actual prom dress from high school). I wore it over running clothes and it was still too big. So that felt pretty good.

Anyhow yeah. That is the summer in a nutshell. Tomorrow starts school and the busy schedule of dance 5 days a week and football 5 days as well. Time management is going to be key and a huge challenge. I am hoping I can work it out.

Monday, August 30, 2010

So bad at updating

I look at blogger daily and think I should update. But then I don't. It's been a crazy busy summer and I only expect it to get busier during the school year. And I am still not updating now. Maybe later this week I will have the chance to recap my summer. Still keeping my fingers crossed for some good news today.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Sick of it

Must be nice to be unemployed. Apparently that is a free card to sit on your ass all day long. Oh wait, I mean except for the load of laundry and 10 dishes that you did and expect praise for. And I never knew a clean house meant shit all over the floor and laundry just sitting around waiting to be put away. Why bother working all day long when you can just do nothing. Especially when your spouse finds a place for the kids to hang for the day so you can sleep in? I am done. I don't have anything left to fucking give.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

More frustration

My mood is bouncing around an awful lot these days. Maybe it is post vacation blues or just a bunch of anger that has been held in far too long. Or just frustrations with work. At any rate I feel like I am sinking fast here.
Let's start with the hubby. I am doing my best to be all supportive in his job loss but there comes a time when you just have to suck it up and deal with it. I was feeling poor before but now I am just feeling darn near destitute. We are going to lose the house. And I feel helpless about it because it is not in my name and I can't do anything about it. He is the only one who can and I am tired of feeling like I am badgering him on regular basis. I feel like I am prodding a child to go and do something he doesn't want to do. And it feels like all lines of communication are severed. We are not talking very well and I feeling frustrated on a daily basis. How do you talk to someone that does not want to be talked to? Furthermore I come home from work to a messy house every single day. He seems to think that if he does one thing-like take out the trash-he deserves some sort of medal. Or at least for me not to complain. And when I do he always finds some way to throw it back in my face and try to make me feel guilty. But I feel like I should not have to clean the house and cook the dinner when I am the one who is working 50+ hours per week. I am starting to feel like I have 3 children-one teenager and two little ones. Ugh.

Then we have my best friend that has been back from Arizona for the last month and has time for everyone but me. I try to make plans with her when it is a good time for me (like on a weekend or a night I don't have to be up at 4:30am the next day) but she always has something else going on. It might seem selfish on my part but I still have a full time job here. I have two kids that need to be to baseball practice or dance. She has nothing but time. My best friend is spending her entire vacation hanging out with every friend she has at home except for me. And it hurts. I makes me feel like she doesn't care.

Of course there is always work. Our main computer for the stocking system we use has crashed and is not going to be fixed. I have found a way around it but it involves a whole lot more manual work on my part. I don't mind doing the work but I have a lot of other projects I am working on. I'm stressing and I don't like it.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Vacation all I really want is...

Two more days of work. Thank goodness. As much as I love my job, I am ready for a break. Things have been kind of intense lately. I am feeling some pressure to get things done and I am not quite sure if those things are possible. But I am going to do what I can to get it all done. Deadlines....well maybe not so much. But the work will get finished. I could go into the details but really, it is boring unless you get all geeked out by inventory and cost savings.

So onto my health issues. Or lack thereof. My labs are normal, which has not been confirmed by the MD but being in the hospital system it is not too difficult to get a hold of your labs. So no mono, and my blood work is pretty good. But I am still feeling tired. The doc is probably going to want to test me for sleep apnea. It does run in my family and my family, thought not super skinny, are basically all on CPAP machines. So we will see what happens when he finally gets back to me.

My eating has been nothing but a hot mess. I know I am screwing it up but I don't stop. I procrastinate. I say I will start Monday. Then Monday comes and goes and I plan for the next week. I need to get up and get active. And get out of the house. I am slowly doing it. I can only use the excuse of mourning the loss of my racing plans for the summer for so long. It's time to get up and at em. And stop making excuses. Maybe on Monday :)

This weekend we are going camping. We spent a bit more money than we should have on a new gigantic tent. At least it will be big enough to live in if we are foreclosed on. That is looking like more of a possibility every day. Sad how we spent the last 5 years struggling for this to not happen, only to reach the near end of the chapter 13 and lose the house anyhow. But whatever happens, happens. I can only control so much, and this is one of those things that is out of my hands.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

I think.....

that I might be depressed.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Attitude is everything...

There are two approaches to everything in life. Positive and negative. I want to be the girl with the positive attitude. I want to be Pollyanna. And sometimes I am really successful with dealing with some of the hands that life deals me. But how do you deal with watching your goals for the year go up in a poof of smoke?

It's no question that we have little extra income. Pretty much every week is lived paycheck to paycheck. And when you are counting on seeing a little extra money come in from somewhere (taxes perhaps?) and it doesn't, it certainly hurts. But even that is something that is short lived. It would be hard for me to say that we are really poor because in reality we are not. We choose to spend a lot of money on our kids activities because they love it and we want to give them whatever is possible. If that means a little (okay, a lot) less in the bank then so be it. It's a little scary when your bank account hits $0.13 but you know that payday is just down the road. And you struggle for another week. But what happens when that income is halved?

My husband lost his job yesterday. After 13 years of service he was let go because he made too much money for his position and was not interested in advancing. He was not a poor performer but he was disliked by one of the owners of the franchise for not wanting to advance and be a lifer. My husband has spent the better part of the last 10 years working 47 hours a week in a job he loathed. He did it to make sure we had a roof over our heads, food on the table, and health insurance. He went from store to store and improved the quality of the service and staff. He may not have been interested in advancing but he was good at what he did. He was told his services were no longer needed. A permanent layoff.

My racing goals for the year are shot. Not because I can't do it, but because I can no longer afford it. It sucks and it hurts. I am trying to not be bitter about it. Or discouraged. But it is really, really hard. However, just because I can't afford the race, doesn't mean I have to give up my fitness. It might take my mind a little while to believe that though. It's like a punch in the gut right now. And it is a struggle to stay positive.

We have reworked a budget and are hopeful that he will receive the maximum unemployment benefit. If that is the case the unemployment will cover the mortgage. I will be responsible for the remaining bills. It is really tight. Really tight. The kids will not be able to participate in the activities that they have been. Or at least not at the frequency. Competitive dance is out for next year. I have no idea how I am going to break that to my daughter. It hurts my heart.

But we are a family. And we are strong. And we can get through anything. I know that sometimes the ends justify the means. When I lost my job at the end of '05 I thought it was the end of the world. And now I am in a job that I love making significantly more money than I would be if I were still in my old position. Dan hated his job, and I think beyond the fear and the grief he is relieved. He doesn't have to worry about working crazy shifts and being up late working just to show up at 7am the next day. He doesn't have to come home smelling like he was dipped in grease. He doesn't have to dread every day that he has to go to work. I think he is going to be much happier once the shock wears off.

And I am going to be okay as well. Just because I will not accomplish racing in a triathlon this year does not mean I will never race in one. It just means that I won't do it as soon as I might like. God has a plan for us and I refuse to be scared about it. I am going to trust that everything will be okay. We will survive this because that is who we are and what we do.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Wow...just Wow.

So today was a gorgeous day. I decided to take advantage of it by taking the bike out for a quick spin. I set up a babysitter for the boy and took the girl to dance (2 hours of classes on Fridays!). I also invited one of the other dance moms to come with me. We like to call her Coach. She is this amazing marathon runner. Like can run 14 miles in a day barely breaking a sweat. Anyhow she has a few triathlons under her belt and is planning on doing an ironman next year. So in order to make myself better I gotta hang with those people that are better than me, right? So we went to the park and did a 9 mile ride. Didn't have time for more and the whole trail had not been opened yet anyhow. At any rate I pushed myself extra hard. It was a good ride for the first time out this season. But the best part was about 10 minutes ago when she texted me and said that she had a hard time keeping up with me. I know running is her main thing but hearing that from someone who has enough fitness to qualify for Boston and run an ultrmarathon (50 miles) last year made me feel really good. Like one of the best compliments I have gotten.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Seeing Green

It's been awhile since I have been on here. I guess first things first. Since my first post of the year I have lost 18 pounds. The only thing I have been trying to do is to cut out sugar (from cookies, cakes, etc) and starting my triathlon training. I have not been the best with it, but I have been hitting the gym on a more regular basis.

And today was my first challenge of the year. The Shamrocks and Shenanigans 5K. I have done a few 5Ks in the past so this was nothing new. Nor was is my fastest time. It was, however, the first time I have done a 5K and ran the entire distance. No walking. And it was a wicked hilly course. I am certainly happy with my 45:05 time. I am in pain but I can't stop smiling.

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010...Year of Change

Change is my goal. Not a resolution. Resolutions are made to be broken. Change is something I need to find. 2009 was not the worst year of the aughts (ohs?), but can you blame a girl for wanting more? I have had high expectations of weight loss and fitness, yet I have not come anywhere close to achieving them. There are so many things I want to do that I have not even come close to doing. So for 2010 I make change my goal. A change in my eating behavior. A change in my fitness. A change in my thinking. I know this is something I can do. I wanna make the start of the oh-ten decade a great one.


I have been talking about how I want to do a triathlon for nearly 3 years now. This is my year to finally come through. I have a date picked out and I have people who are in on it with me. I can't back out if I have a buddy counting on me. I also want to run in the Freep Press Marathon. Obviously not the whole thing, but the half. These are my two main feats for the year. The first will happen in June and the second in October. I have a training plan and I am ready to go. My lovely husband was so kind to get another gym membership at a gym with a pool so I have no excuses. So here is my tentative plan:

March 14: Shenanigans and Shamrocks 5K
April 10: Martian Marathon 5K
May 1: Willow Duathlon
June 13: Sprint Triathlon
July 11: Muddy Buddy
August 28: 10k (Haven't found one yet though)
September 11: Tawas Olympic Triathlon
October 17: Detroit Half Marathon

So there it all is in writing.

Happy 2010