Wednesday, June 30, 2010

More frustration

My mood is bouncing around an awful lot these days. Maybe it is post vacation blues or just a bunch of anger that has been held in far too long. Or just frustrations with work. At any rate I feel like I am sinking fast here.
Let's start with the hubby. I am doing my best to be all supportive in his job loss but there comes a time when you just have to suck it up and deal with it. I was feeling poor before but now I am just feeling darn near destitute. We are going to lose the house. And I feel helpless about it because it is not in my name and I can't do anything about it. He is the only one who can and I am tired of feeling like I am badgering him on regular basis. I feel like I am prodding a child to go and do something he doesn't want to do. And it feels like all lines of communication are severed. We are not talking very well and I feeling frustrated on a daily basis. How do you talk to someone that does not want to be talked to? Furthermore I come home from work to a messy house every single day. He seems to think that if he does one thing-like take out the trash-he deserves some sort of medal. Or at least for me not to complain. And when I do he always finds some way to throw it back in my face and try to make me feel guilty. But I feel like I should not have to clean the house and cook the dinner when I am the one who is working 50+ hours per week. I am starting to feel like I have 3 children-one teenager and two little ones. Ugh.

Then we have my best friend that has been back from Arizona for the last month and has time for everyone but me. I try to make plans with her when it is a good time for me (like on a weekend or a night I don't have to be up at 4:30am the next day) but she always has something else going on. It might seem selfish on my part but I still have a full time job here. I have two kids that need to be to baseball practice or dance. She has nothing but time. My best friend is spending her entire vacation hanging out with every friend she has at home except for me. And it hurts. I makes me feel like she doesn't care.

Of course there is always work. Our main computer for the stocking system we use has crashed and is not going to be fixed. I have found a way around it but it involves a whole lot more manual work on my part. I don't mind doing the work but I have a lot of other projects I am working on. I'm stressing and I don't like it.